3 Things You MUST Consider Before Moving Into The Home He Shared With An Ex

Starting over after divorce or a breakup can be a wonderful thing.

And when you manage to take that next step, and find someone to share your life with again, there is truly nothing better.

In fact, a study by the Pew Research Center shows that, in general, the older a person is when they split from their partner, the more likely they are to remarry.

So yes, there is hope!

The problem comes, for many couples, when trying to decide where to live.

In our latest Experts video (which can be seen above) Senior VP of YourTango Experts Melanie Gorman asked a group of love and relationship Experts if it’s possible to have a successful relationship in a house where one partner used to live with their ex.

The Experts — Kira Gould, Melissa White, Susan Bratton and John Gray —  gave us the hard truth people need to face, as well as some practical solutions for deciding where to live when you move in together.

Here are three questions to challenge yourself with, when you're considering moving into a home that one of you once shared with an ex:

1. Will it bother you and ... should it?

If we take a moment to think about the practical side of it, then we would know that it shouldn’t bother us much. After all, a house is a house.

Whatever sentiment we attach to it is just that: sentiment.

So see if it's possible for you to detach from the past, so you can move forward. 

2. Is it going to be easy to just NOT be bothered by moving into a home they shared with an ex?

Of course not!

While it is within our capabilities to be able to push ourselves past the discomfort, the fact that we feel any discomfort is totally normal.

Moving in with someone usually triggers all of your insecurities and fears, and it can feel even worse to have to deal with them in a house where your partner’s ex lived. 

That would be hard for pretty much anyone!

After all, we’re not really just talking about a house: we’re talking about a home — a place where your partner had dreams, hopes and aspirations … all with someone else.

There’s a sense of a “relationship ghost” lurking, for lack of a better term.

3. What can you do — on an emotional level — to make moving in less stressful?

First things first: buy a new mattress.

Sharing a bed with your partner that was shared with an ex is understandably creepy. There is no other way to explain that.

As for the rest of the house, if it’s possible to move, consider it.

The truth is, there is something to be said for finding your place together.

However, that’s not so easy for everyone, either because of finances or family. If that’s the case, there is another easy solution.

Remodel!

That doesn’t mean you have to knock down walls and add rooms (although that would work, too).

But start simply with making changes to the existing room — get new furniture or paint one or more rooms.

If it’s your house, make sure to listen to what your partner is saying.

Ladies: show your man a couple of colors you really like and ask him which he likes best … and use it!

Men: if she says she’d like the room a shade of blue, unless you have a real reason why it can’t be blue, let the room be a shade of blue.

Allowing your partner to have real choices in the design of the house, and to feel like they’re being heard, will help them to feel like the house is really theirs.

It’s all about comfort — and once your partner feels comfortable, you’ll be on your way to lasting happiness.

If you are having trouble with relationships, sex, attraction or anything else, please visit the websites of our Experts and contact Kira, Susan, John, and Melissa directly. They’re here to help.