Don't confuse the two.
A lot of us like to make excuses for our partner when our friends point out something that he did wrong. It is difficult to take off the pink glasses that we put on during the honeymoon phase of every relationship. However, it is very important to recognize when a once good relationship becomes unhealthy.
Here are five signs that indicate there is a problem between the two of you and it should be talked out with your significant other.
1. They do not try to accommodate your schedule
If you are living on your partner’s time there is a problem. It’s nice to have Friday as date night but if your significant other is not willing to accommodate you if you already have something planned for that day, there is an issue. This is especially concerning if your partner uses this to manipulate you into missing out on your other plans, by saying how much he misses you and can only see you on that day.
If he is not even trying to change around his schedule to accommodate yours, is he really giving back in the same way that you are? If there is no support from your partner whatsoever this is a telltale sign that you are being controlled.
2. They have a problem with your piercings/tattoos/hairstyle
When a partner tries to change you in any way, a red beacon should start blaring off in your mind. If your significant other questions why you got a certain tattoo or a certain piercing and tries to persuade you to get rid of it, he is being overly controlling.
Your significant other should love all parts of you no matter what. A relationship should be structured on unconditional love. It is not about earning someone’s love by fitting their standards.
3. They get jealous for no reason
If your phone keeps buzzing and your partner asks who it is every single time, there is a storm brewing. Trust is important in every relationship. Constant questions about where you are or who you are with should be looked at as warning signs that your partner has trust issues. I understand that trust issues are difficult to let go of after being betrayed, but being overly bearing is definitely not okay.
A common problem is also being jealous of the past. It is definitely not too healthy when your partner wants to know the excruciating details of all your past relationships. The past should be left in the past and no one should be judged for it.
4. They criticize your friends
If your significant other does not want to hang out with your friends, there is a problem. But if your partner constantly criticizes your friends and questions why you hang out with them, this is definitely a red flag that you are in a controlling relationship.
I would assume we all make friends with people who we share similar interests with. We pretty much look for people who are easy to talk to and to get along with. If your significant other criticizes your friends constantly, isn’t that technically a criticism towards you? You should never forget your friends even if your significant other becomes the main priority in your life.
If your partner does not want you to see your friends anymore that is a sure way to tell that they are too domineering. Your friends are there to support you and your partner should be able to respect that.
5. They badmouth women in general
These could be little comments like all women are gold diggers or no woman can stay faithful that can slip out during conversations. It is possible that your partner has gotten hurt multiple times but that does not give him the right to generalize all women.
This might be a sign that your partner will always doubt you and will not consider you an equal. He would be always looking for you to mess up or even do certain things to force you to mess up.
The main problem of a controlling relationship is making the effort to get out of it. However, the first step to recognizing the solution is figuring out the core of the problem.
Talk to your partner if you have any concerns; sharing is one of the most important parts of a relationship. No one deserved to be controlled and to feel that they are not significant enough.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.