It’s refreshing to know that love is out there for haters like me.
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s everything.
As you can probably imagine, that makes dating a little difficult because... well, I don’t like most people. I also don’t like things or stuff.
So when I heard about Hater, a dating app that matches you based on the things you hate, I reveled in as much excitement as a girl who doesn’t like anything can revel in. I downloaded the app and got to work setting up my profile.
The best part about Hater is that I didn’t have to spend time pretending to like things for a bio. Instead, I added a few pictures and started swiping.
Instead of getting carpal tunnel from swiping left on a bunch of shirtless dudes holding fish, Hater works by suggesting random topics that you choose to hate, dislike, like or love. This was easy for me because I hate everything so I didn’t have to spend much time thinking. I hate thinking.
As you swipe, the topics are added to your profile based on how you feel about them.
Giant beards? HATE. They’re scratchy.
Teenagers? HATE. They remind me that I’m old now.
Once you start racking up topics, you’re matched with people who feel the same way.
After I felt I hated an acceptable amount of things (that awful Lena Dunham HBO show, paying extra for guacamole and yep, even french kisses, just to name a few), the dating app alerted me that I had potential matches waiting for me.
The first guy I met was Matt. We were an 85 percent match and I wasn’t immediately annoyed by his photo (a major step for someone who hates everything), so I took a look through his profile. He, like me, hates black licorice and reality TV.
But he also hates zombie movies, which are one of the very few things I can tolerate — left swipe.
Next was Victor at a whopping 89 percent match. He hates all of the things I also hate, so I knew if we met in real life we’d have plenty to talk about.
But I’m a skeptic and knew there had to be something wrong with Victor. So I checked the things he liked, and sure enough, there it was: Victor likes being dominant. Now, I’m not sure if that means he has a dominant personality or is into BDSM, but I’m not into either of those things — left swipe.
At this point, I started losing hope. Am I too picky? I thought. Am I destined to be single forever because of my profound hate for most things?
But if there’s one thing I hate (besides, you know... everything), it’s giving up.
I continued on my quest for love via hate and was rewarded with Tyler, who was also an 89 percent match. He hates salad and tall dudes at concerts (seriously, why are the tall dudes always in the front?) and likes swearing, rainy days and dive bars. Soulmate.
I swiped right — and matched! Then came the fun part: instead of having to come up with a witty, unique opening comment (which I hate), Hater employs some type of Cards Against Humanity tactic. You pick a phrase and fill in the blank, which is a pretty ingenious conversation starter.
For example, there are quite a few people I’ve swiped left on who keep showing up in the rotation which is pretty infuriating. I also matched with people who lived up to 100 miles away from me, which is not OK. I hate making TOO much of an effort.
It’s refreshing to know that love is out there for haters like me. And though I’ve yet to find it, I did discover that I’m an 86 percent match with my roommate... but I hate when people date someone they live with so we'll keep our shared hatred at a friendship level.