12 Love Poems For Women Who Think Romance Is BULLSH*T

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love poems for her

Because who needs all that gushy stuff?

I am not a romantic person.

Don't get me wrong, if you want to festoon me with flowers or dump a box of chocolates in my lap, I won't be mad at it. 

But if a guy were to compose me a love poem and then recite it?

I'd be more likely to swoon from shame than I would be to swoon from deep and abiding passion at his heartfelt gesture. 

Just because I'm not a traditionally romantic woman, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate poetry.

If anything, when I find a love poem for her that isn't all about someone's throbbing member or how their hair looks like sunlight, I feel personally vindicated.

Because let's be real:

Poetry may be full of pure light and love, but love isn't always like that. 

Sure those love poems for her that are designed to make a woman feel like a goddess have their place.

But I prefer a love poem for her that's going to point out the awkward, the uncomfortable, the funny, and the dark side of romance and love. 

Just because I prefer to read a sweet ode about my vagina, that doesn't mean I don't know how to love or appreciate gestures of romance.

Love poems should be specific. 

Sweet little poems are great for sweet women, but a more complicated, sarcastic eye-rolling dame deserves something a little bit different. 

She deserves something like one of these totally hilarious and totally lovely poems for her! 

Love isn't a four letter word...but it should be!
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"I will break every 

every fucking 

clock on this earth

to prove 

that we are 

not bad timing."

- Erin Van Vuren 

Every man in love is a bad poet.
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He said 

"Your are beautiful"

I told him 


is a lazy and lousy way to describe me. 


- Unknown 


Tolkien fans need love too.
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Beards can be red

Swords can glow blue 

There's only one precious 

And that must be you

- Unknown 

When romance becomes DAMN creepy
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I'm obsessed with love,

well with you,

but that sounds 

more stalkery 

and less poetic. 

- Leo Christopher 

Falling in love effin' HURTS.
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I didn't fall 

for you.

You fucking tripped me. 

- Unknown 

Nothing says love like vodka
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Roses are red 

Violets are blue 

Vodka is cheaper 

than dinner for two. 

- Unknown 

Smash dat ass!
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Roses are red 

Hulk is green

I'd smash dat ass 

If you know what I mean. 

- Unknown 

Pizza once again conquers all.
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I like you 

You like pizza

I am bad at poems 

Kiss me. 


- Unknown 

Love doesn't need logic.
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Roses are red 

Violets are blue 

Garlic bread

Blink 182 

- Unknown 

Nothing says love like the Jazz Age!
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I want a quiet life. 

Other times 

I just want to go fucking Gatsby.

- Atticus 

Grumpy cat in love.
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Roses are red

Violets are blue 

Faces like yours belong in the zoo. 

But don't worry, I'll be there too.

Not in the cage. 

But laughing at you.

- Unknown 

Love doesn't JUST take your breath away.
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He smiled 

and all I could think 


"Oh shit."

- Unknown 


Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.