Seems like a no-brainer and yet...
If you are having some alone time masturbating, you obviously hope it will be fun. It's inherent to the idea. And it probably will be. But is it being as fun as it can be?
Maybe not. Just as with sex with a partner, a lot can get in the way to us finding pleasure when we're masturbating. We may get lost in our own head or feel uncomfortable or anxious. We may also just not be finding the key to what brings us the most pleasure (and gives us the most orgasms).
Some of us have roommates who we may fear overhearing us, or we have gotten toys that simply don't work for our needs. We may also feel anxious about what we are doing and are trying to race to the finish or cut corners. And obviously, we'll get nothing from that. Or maybe we have a mental block that is keeping us from letting go and having all the fun we could be having.
But there's a lot that we can do to find more pleasure in the moment. A lot of it starts with slowing down, living in the moment, and remembering to breathe. As for the rest, our experts have some awesome advice about how to masturbate that will bring you to a mind-numbing orgasm every time.
Here are 11 things you are doing wrong during masturbation.
1. You don't clear your mind beforehand.
"Clearing the mind of anything that isn't conducive to enjoying physical pleasure is most important while masturbating. Create a peaceful state of mind and indulge in a spicy piece of erotic literature. Allow the explicit descriptions and provocative passages to enhance arousal till your entire being is filled with explosive orgasmic pleasure," says director Kay Brandt.
2. You go too fast.
"Enjoying the immense amount of pleasure your body is capable of is an important part of honoring your inherent sexuality and taking care of yourself. The chemicals released will decrease stress, boost your immune system and give your skin a gorgeous glow," says Antonia Hall, MA., a psychologist, relationship expert, sexpert, and the award-winning author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
3. You don't use any variety.
Just as experimenting with a range of sex positions with a partner can lead to bigger, better orgasms, so too can exploring different angles and positions during solo play, says sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly. Try lying on your stomach, hanging off the bed or rubbing off in the shower to see how your body responds to variety.
4. You expect to have an experience mimicking pornography.
"Not every orgasm needs to be earth-shattering. Sometimes, great sex can be more relaxing than stimulating, so don’t expect your sounds or physical reactions to mirror those you see in porn," says Dr. Jess.
5. You hold your breath or stifle sounds.
Breathe deeply and let your sounds emanate freely without inhibition.
"When we hold our breath it can inhibit circulation and arousal, so even if you’re playing solo, make whatever sounds arise naturally just as you would with a partner," says Dr. Jess.
6. You don't explore enough.
It's easy to become rote about masturbation.
"But our bodies are constantly changing, and so are our likes. Try new angles. If you always masturbate lying down, trying sitting or standing, or putting a pillow underneath you. Use both hands and touch areas you don't normal include in your self-pleasuring techniques. Knowing your body and being able to describe what gets you off to your partner is an invaluable tool," says Hall.
7. You have mental hindrances.
There are a lot of messages that can get in the way of enjoying sexuality.
"If you were told that touching yourself is shameful or dirty, those voices can really get in the way of your ability to relax and experience your pleasure potential. Work through any old mental tapes that could be getting in your way and you'll find yourself experiencing far more pleasure," says Hall.
8. You don't use toys — or you use toys too often.
"There are many toys to explore, and they can help take your regular orgasms to a whole other level of wow. If vibration doesn't work well for you, try a toy that uses suction. Stimulate new areas and find even more exciting ways to bring yourself to climax," says Hall.
9. You don't warm up your toys.
What are we doing wrong when masturbating? Using cold or room temperature toys. Try warming your toys up before you begin to touch yourself with them. The heat increases sensation and can call a stronger, more intense orgasm.
There are a lot of ways to do this — warm water, microwave — but I love a brand new product called WARM. It has a discreet heating system, which heats to the perfect temperature, fits toys of all sizes and literally “reinvented” everything in my sex box.
10. You don't use your PC (pubococcygeus) muscle.
It's possible to move your sexual energy through your body to have hands-free orgasms.
"Part of learning to do that involves squeezing your PC muscle to move your energy around the body. It'll take your orgasms to an entirely new level and is also an incredible way to spice things up with your sweetheart when you're together," says Hall.
11. You don't stimulate your anus.
"I know that when the word 'anal' gets mentioned many people stop listening, but hear me out. I'm not suggesting that you try and insert something that would make Lexington Steele look like a eunuch. I'm simple suggesting that a little anal play might be something you could explore," says adult performer Julia Ann.
"I've found that having something in my butt while I masturbate my vagina intensifies my orgasm. If it is something you would like to try, I would suggest inserting a small vibrating toy like The Egg in your anus. With the vibrations of the Egg, you don't have to move it in and out like you would a dildo, which makes it less intimidating for the anal play novice."