It’s lame, but accurate.
Can you say “making love” without giggling? Probably not.
The phrase “making love” sounds terrible. It sounds like a cliché mixed with a greeting card mixed with your grandmother trying to explain sex to you.
There’s a reason why couples don’t use that term very often — it just feels… lame.
BUT, all that said, as much as I hate to admit it, making love IS probably the best way to describe how grown-ups have sex.
Kids fuck and adults make love. (It’s true.)
This can be hard to admit, because making love isn’t a particularly sex term for sex. We want sex to sound illicit, dangerous, taboo. But the term “making love” suggests a more empathetic view of sex than almost any other “having sex” idiom.
And I think it captures the reason why adults have sex more than almost any other term.
Let’s look at some of the other options…
You have “fucking,” “screwing,” “boning” — all of these terms are action words. They sound like running, jumping, climbing. They cast sex as a purely physical act and, when you’re young, it often is.
You have “doing it” or “having sex” — these terms are less crass and purely physiological, but they also suggest a task, something you have to do, an objective with a beginning, middle, or end. “Let’s have sex” has the same emotional urgency as “Let’s stop for tacos on the way home.”
But “making love”… it’s cheesy AF, but it does capture the complexity of sex better than the other options.
Because I’m an adult. I know that sex isn’t just about getting my rocks off or adding another number to my “How Many Times I’ve Had Sex” scoreboard.
Sex is about the journey. It’s about being playful, touching, laughing, and, yes, fucking, but the fucking is just a part of it.
Sex isn’t a task or purely physical act. It’s something creative.
You’re creating something together. Hopefully, not a baby (unless you’re trying), but sex is about constructing an experience where people get together and make each other feel AMAZING.
You should feel satisfied and sexy. You should feel like the most important person in the world. You should be making your partner feel like everything about their body MATTERS and they should be making you feel the same way in return.
How is that NOT “making love”? How does “screwing” or “sleeping together” or “Netflix and chilling” capture that experience better than “making love”?
This is why real adults “make love.”
Because we’re old enough that we don’t care about being cheesy or lame. We’re not trying to be cool anymore, so we have the freedom to describe sex the way it should be and the way it really is.
Sex is about making something together.
You can call that “something” orgasms or sexy experiences or the “beast with two backs.” Whatever suits you.
But calling it “making love” isn’t just appropriate, it’s what a real grown-up would do.