It's not about plunging blindly into the love and light — it's about retreat and regrouping.
I didn't want more work to do.
I've been working and fighting all my life to be strong, stay strong and inspire strength in others. I didn't want to have to deal with yet a new, even more toxic misogyny — one fueled by both men and women alike. I didn't want to have to give up all television news just to stay sane. I didn't want to see the photos of the endangered animals that the recently elected president's son breezily killed and flaunted.
I didn't want to think hate would ever become the norm.
I didn't want to think that no matter how amazing, promising or brilliant my daughter is, that she is now going to be subjugated to the whims of a game show host president that hates her simply because she's female, Hispanic, non-religious and sexually free to do whatever she wants with her beautiful body.
I didn't work this hard to raise my daughter to be free only to have all my hard work devalued by a reality TV star who's only true agenda is to make good on all the ass-kissing he's done to the hateful, women-hating, religious, white idiots of this country.
And I didn't want to be the ugly American, as all Americans are now automatically assumed to be. I just wanted my kid to have a chance. I don't even care about myself — I'll live. I've survived rape and cancer, this new president is nothing I can't handle.
I deny him my loyalty. I invalidate him and laugh while I do it. He holds no power over me. He's just another bad, stupid thing in a country where many people love bad, stupid ideas. He's tabloid fodder, a Kardashian — he's America's latest display of cheap ugliness.
However, he's also tapped into the worst in people, and he's somehow nurtured that white supremacist, Nazi mentality in those who were just waiting for the day when they could really let their hatred out.
What his supporters never got was that he used them. He laughs at us all, his supporters most especially. He couldn't care less about anyone's religion or rights, he just used his supporter's stupidity to get where he wanted to go. He got everyone all revved up on hate and righteousness. How else could he get the vote?
He doesn't give a crap about his supporter's issues; he'd go wherever he could to get those votes. And what does he get out of it? Attention. That's all. And in his case, attention brings in revenue. For him. His supporters will get all The Purge for a while, and then they'll see that it's all just another reality TV show for this guy. He wins, we all lose.
The word going around is to rise above, to "go high," to come together with love and hope; I think this is all great stuff, but I'm also not one to repress my immediate feelings. I believe we need to feel it to heal it, and I'm not ready to sing Kumbaya just yet. I will, but not yet. I need to fully understand what's required of me if I'm to rise above, and right now, it's not about plunging blindly into the love and light — it's about retreat and regrouping.
While the revolution of love will eventually come to full power, I must first deny his relevance. I must teach my daughter to deny his presence. It's not a matter of self-imposed ignorance as it is a matter of denying this man the thought that we're all on his side. We're not. We do not support this, and President or not, the man is a true menace to society and the world at large.
Where he may push, we do have the power in us to say no. Where he may try, we have the power to tell him to leave us alone. Just because he's the President now, doesn't mean we have to abide by his rules. It goes this way with everything in life: we have a choice.
Government is built on fear. We don't have to say yes to him. While it may take me a bit of time before I start quoting Gandhi, I also know that I have my own mind, and I hope that those of us who didn't want this man to take office will know that it's not over.
I may be extraordinarily tired of fighting just to stay alive, but that doesn't mean I'm going to lie down. I'm not.
In spite of all this man represents, we will have what we need — if we make it so. This is now about personal responsibility. We can do this: without guns, without hate, without war.
We must never believe we are without personal power. We must always, always believe that, no matter what, we will thrive. It's not about violence or overthrowing the government. It's about prioritizing what is right in one's own life and acting accordingly. It's about being the example of what's good and true. If that's anarchy, then so be it. But, as the oath says, "First, do no harm."
Do not fear this reality TV star. Don't give him Hitler status. Take it away from him by being vigilantly good. Take it away from him by denying him your respect.
This too shall pass, friends. But if you really want to ease your own personal pain, then don't watch TV. Don't engage in social media. Give yourself some downtime to recoup. Deny him your attention. And then, after you've rested up a bit, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
It's going to be OK, America. You have to believe this.