At the end of the day, nobody likes to argue.
Richard LaGravenese, a popular American screenwriter and film director, was once quoted as saying, "I tend to believe when you're in a relationship, if you don't fight it's not a real relationship. You have to have arguments and tensions; otherwise, I don't believe it." He's not The Dalai Lama or anything, but that's some seriously sound relationship logic. So if you're apprehensive about what I'm suggesting, you can save it.
Arguments are a natural part of loving, monogamous relationships and I'm merely suggesting that there are certain tools that you can use to come away from them feeling like the "winner." Because let's face it, no mature how mature or refined of a woman you may be, it always feels damn good to win an argument.
1. Let him speak.
Half the battle in winning an argument is being sure to completely understand the person's stance. You want to gather as much information as possible before preparing your rebuttal.
Remember: Knowledge is power. If you're continuously cutting him off you're putting yourself at risk for worsening the argument, misunderstanding his points and giving him a reason to interrupt you right back.
2. Control the volume.
Screaming is a very clear sign that you're losing your cool and is definitely going to prompt the other person to take the upper hand. If you remain even-keeled with your volume, you will appear calm and collected (even if on the inside you want to rip his head off).
Think back to when you were a kid, for example. Remember when your Mom would get upset, but instead of yelling she would have this really scary, almost numb approach to her demeanor? Sorry for the flashbacks, but ultimately, just replicate that.
Remember: Just because you're the loudest person in the room, it doesn't make you the smartest person in the room.
3. Don't forget that silence is golden.
This is really hard for anyone, but especially for women. We are wired to be expressive and when we force ourselves not to be, bad things happen. However, there is a real power in not giving someone the time of day.
Remaining silent is effective in person, but even more so when it comes to texts. Completely icing him out may allow him to take a step back, think about what's down, and prompt an apology.
Remember: Sometimes, not contributing to an argument is actually a contribution in itself (I know that's an oxymoron, but it works, I promise).
4. Cut down on the profanity.
Much like yelling isn't going to give you the upper hand, neither will calling him an assh*le. Does it feel great to resort to name-calling? You betcha! But beyond that, it isn't really contributing anything of substance to the argument, and in order to win you're going to need substance. If you want to make a point with your words, use killer vocabulary, not something a drunken pirate would say.
Remember: Look at your arguments like you're in a court of law. You don't see too many attorneys walking around dropping F-bombs and closing winning cases.
5. Maintain eye contact.
Eye contact is incredibly important; it exudes confidence, relays honesty, and shows the person that you are completely and totally engaged in what's going on. Even if you feel like you're going to cry or perhaps get distracted by other thoughts, make sure to keep eye contact the entire time. I'm not talking about a frown or scowl, but just a generally attentive look. You will come off as unwavering and dominant.
Remember: The same protocol you use during a job interview is exactly how you should behave during an argument. You need to prove your worth to the person sitting across from you.
6. Kill him with kindness.
This one is incredibly difficult but entirely worth it. If you can diffuse his anger by being sweet, it will completely throw him for a loop, thus giving you the upper hand. Men often take things at face value, so when you're in an argument they expect your demeanor to be explosive. Why not shake things up a bit and save your energy for more worthwhile pursuits?
Remember: You kill more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.
7. Bring in the big guns.
This is reserved solely for arguments when he is being so stubborn (even though he's WRONG) that it's hindering the quality of your life. I'm all for handling things between the two of you, but there are some arguments so severe that you have to reach out to other people.
There's no shame in calling his mother or best friend if things are really unhinged. You don't have to have some sort of intervention, but even asking them for insight or advice will be helpful in coming away from everything victorious.
Remember: There's strength in numbers.
8. Remind yourself that at the end of the day, nobody likes to argue.
I know that sometimes it feels really good to make him feel like there's no end in sight, but for the benefit of your relationship and the love you share, it's best to let him know that you're confident you two will find a resolution. Sometimes softening (and actually meaning it) is all it takes.
Remember: Winning isn't everything.