Why Women Bully Other Women Who Openly Love Sex (And Have Lots Of It)

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The Scientific Reason Why Women Hate Women Who LOVE Having Sex
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Hint: It has NOTHING to do with jealousy.

Women with a high sex drive, which is generally defined by having or desiring to have more than 7 orgasms and/or sexual encounters in any given week, often struggle to gain social acceptance. These women are typically labeled with slurs such as "sluts" or "whores" and are repeatedly told that their sexuality is negative, dirty and unladylike.

Many of these women have now also been labeled as "sex addicts", today's version of being called a "nymphomaniac."

In an article by Eric Blumberg in the Journal of Sex Research, one woman reported that her therapist labeled her as a sex addict by after she disclosed that she sometimes goes out on weekends "to get laid." The woman's personal take was to say, "I like it, but I'm not addicted to it. I'd probably be miserable, but I could go without it."

When the woman further admitted that she masturbated daily, her fate was sealed — at least in her therapist's eyes.

 

Related: Psst! Here's The Crazy-Easy Secret To Cranking Up Your Libido

 

"The way he was talking," she recalled, "it was awful for me to be doing this."

Such women frequently report that they have more male friends than they do female friends.

They report that men understand them better and don't stigmatize them for the fact that they are open about just how much they enjoy sex.

In fact, I've heard from many highly sexual women that they typically have few female friends. When they do, these friends tend to also be women with high libidos, but for the most part, these women prefer to be in the company of men, where they feel free to be themselves without having to worry about conforming to the expectations of other women.

There are at least two reasons I believe can help us to better understand why women bully sexual women.

1. It scares them in ways  and about feelings —​ they haven't been taught to express.

Perhaps it's frightening to them. Women are taught to suppress their sexuality, and when they see another woman reject that teaching, it might trigger an internal conflict in other women. They may start wondering and fearing what it might be like if they also expressing their sexual desires.

When men have conflicts with other men, they usually keep their upset with each other out in the open. Evolutionarily and historically, behaviors related to public aggression and conflict in males has been rewarded, i.e., females mated with the winning guy.

Female aggression, on the other hand, is rarely made public, and it's most certainly not rewarded when it is.

I can't say I've ever seen the hottest guy in a bar walk up and attempt to sweep a woman off her feet after she's just poured a glass of wine in another woman's face.

Some men might fantasize about watching two women fight, but the reality of female conflict is far less sexy, and frankly, far more damaging to self-esteem and women's rights than male conflict is damaging to men.

2. They're worried that when other women enjoy casual sex it lowers men's perceived value of their preference to hold out for a relationship.

Others suggest this female-against-female conflict is a holdover from the days when a woman's sexuality and reproductive capacity were the only economic resources she had available for trade, most typically in exchange for support and care for herself and her children.

 

Related: 10 Struggles Only Women With A High Sex Drive Understand

 

The notion of "Why should a man buy a cow when he can get the milk for free?" perfectly captures this concern that a promiscuous woman was in a way diluting and devaluing the worth of her "product" for all other women.

The good news is that shows like Sex and the City, Girls and Orange Is The New Black— as well as singers like Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, and Lady Gaga — have led a wave of women who not only celebrate their own sexuality but that of their fellow women.

Hopefully, this trend will continue.

 

David J. Ley, Ph.D., is an expert on issues related to sexuality and mental health, is published in the LA Times and Playboy and has appeared on TV with Anderson Cooper and Dr. Phil, among others. His book, "The Myth of Sex Addiction," challenged sexual addiction and triggered a firestorm of debate. His latest book "Ethical Porn For D*cks: A Man's Guide To Responsible Viewing Pleasure" offers men a non-judgmental way to discover how to view pornography responsibly.

This article was originally published at Psychology Today. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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