Photo: Bitch Slap Cosmetics
Put a penis on your face!
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Aug 08, 2016
Do you guys remember where you were when you learned about penis lipsticks?
If you're reading YourTango now, the odds are you were reading YourTango when it happened. I know that I, for one, will never be the same.
Like most of us, you felt a strange mixture of revulsion, curiosity, and awe when faced with those veiny, flesh-hued, sticks of lip color.
Like the rest of us, you probably also thought "why on earth when anyone want to smear a penis pencil on their mouth in public? Surely this is a bizarre trend that will go nowhere."
Well don't we all look like penis fearing fools now! That is a sentence I never thought I'd record at a place of employment, but here we are.
Bitch Slap Cosmetics, in addition to having a truly amazing name, has launched a line of highlighters in an amazing array of hues.
These highlighters are also stamped to look like a penis or a vagina, according to the shopper's preference.
Which begs the question, WHY IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS A THING?
Don't get me wrong, I love me a good penis, and I can get down on a great vagina like nobody's business.
But that doesn't mean I want to pay homage to genitals when I'm prepping for a night on the town.
Maybe you're supposed to be treating them like fertility talismans or something?
"Oh great and powerful penis powder, please make my nose look like Kim Kardashian so that my vagina might ensnare a power male in its clutches for the purposes of reproduction."
But even if you are getting ready to leave you house on a quest for dick, why can't you just quietly think about that? Why does your makeup have to be like "Dicks! Holes! Sex!"
It's like, I just want people to fully appreciate my cheekbones, I don't need them also being like "Ah yes, I see you've chosen the chode shade, what it lacks in length it makes up for in girth."
Here's where I'm an engima though: I would totally buy one of these highlighters! I know, I know. I am a mystery even unto myself.
Also there is a hamburger shaped highlighter which needs to be getting more attention than it is. Behold:
Right? Juicy!
