Healthy People Drink COCKROACH MILK Now Because The World Is Weird

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cockroach milk health benefits
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Expect landlords to start charging MORE for roach infested apartments.

This just in from science: cockroach milk is the new superfood. 

That's right, go directly to your cabinets full of quinoa and coconut oil and kale (which should be in the fridge, btw) and set it on fire. Let that fire burn and burn until all your nutritious snacks have been devoured by the flames.

We're only drinking cockroach milk from here on out. 

Take a swig and savor the health benefits. 


Hmmmm, tastes like insect legs, vomit, and despair, doesn't it? 

Let's try to shove all innate terror at the prospect of feasting on a cockroach to one side for a moment and really break this down. 

A group of scientists in India have discovered that cockroach milk is four times as nutritious as cow's milk, containing a protein the likes of which this world has never seen (lol, grandiosity for the win). 

Scientists at the Institute of Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative Medicine say that this protein (produced by the mama roaches for their babies) is high in calories and releases sustained energy over a period of several hours.

You know, like a Cliff bar, but instead you are drinking ACTUAL COCKROACH MILK. 


But don't worry too much. Rather than trying to milk cockroaches (an image that is both disturbing and adorable), scientists plan to find a way to replicate the proteins in a lab. 

This is one of those things we never needed to hear the science behind.

Do you know how much more likely I would be to try a newly invented protein "inspired by nature" than to sample cockroach milk? The answer is EXTREMELY LIKELY, GUYS. 

Cockroaches have been touted as being high in protein before, and while I respect the thinking that turning to them as food will help preserve the planet I am not ashamed to say that I'm just not a good enough human being to make that kind of sacrifice. 

I mean, I'll be real, I've even got a hard time eating just regular vegetables.

So make of this news what you will. I for one, will be trying to forget it so that when the new super protein is released upon us all, I can maybe start using it without remembering that it comes from nature's most horrid beastie. 



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