My Husband And I Recreated Kim And Kanye's Instagram Couple Photos And #NailedIt
Compared to Kimye, my life is so uncool.
Courtesy of the Author I've never been much of a Kim Kardashian or Kanye West fan.
I don't obsessively follow them, and I'm not entirely sure what the former does other than be inexplicably famous in a modern day Paris Hilton-esque fashion.
Yet, when the opportunity arose to drag my unwilling husband into a Kim and Kanye photo challenge, I was down because who doesn't enjoy publicly making a fool of themselves on the internet (obviously not me!)?
In my mind it would be some sort of fabulous spoof akin to James Franco and Seth Rogen riding a motorcycle but all it really turned out to be was a sad look at how uncool my life looks when compared to the glamour of Kimye.
Behold:
First of all, I don't live under a rock and am therefore aware of the existence of Kim and Kanye, but I soon realized I had never taken a very close look at either.
I'm used to seeing really unflattering photos of them used in the media, and as I sifted through Kim's Instagram I was pretty blown away with how pretty she is.
I mean, yeah, there's good lighting and filters and all that, but this is a good looking human being here, and spending all this time looking at her was making me super self-conscious of my pasty white skin and small boobs.
I almost went for a backside side by-side, but my derriere was so pathetically flat in comparison (and also, how does one get such an angle with a selfie stick?) that I decided not to butt-shame myself on the internet.
Honestly, after this experiment I'm probably going to unfollow Kim Kardashian West on Instagram because my fragile psyche apparently cannot handle it.
Kim Kardashian is a queen of selfies, so I'm told, and looking at her Instagram I can clearly see why.
The woman knows her most flattering angles in a way I could never hope to replicate. In fact, one of the biggest takeaways from this experiment was that I'm wildly uncomfortable taking selfies.
It's one thing to put my writing all up in everyone's business on the internet, but my duck face? That's a whole different animal.
My husband, who very grudgingly agreed to helping me in this experiment, felt much the same.
Unfortunately, he nailed his photos way better than I did, because Kanye West always looks tremendously displeased.
"Channel Kanye's awkward repressed rage," I told him.
"I'm already mad we're doing this."
"Nailing it."
While my husband continued to flourish with Kanye's signature "I'd rather be doing anything else" look, I struggled on multiple levels — most notably with my wardrobe.
While we easily recreated their courtside Laker's game look, when it came to owning anything fancier than a plain black tank top, I was definitely failing.
At one point, I wrapped myself in a blanket in hopes of looking as if I was wearing a voluminous fur coat. It obviously fooled no one.
I was also hyper-aware of the fact that we were definitely taking all of these photos in my super-messy living room.
Like, all of them. We were never sitting at a glamorous award show or in the back seat of a limo or killing time in a dressing room.
Actually, in most of our photos we were racing against the clock to get these photos done before our infant son woke up because we don't have a nanny of any sort or even a babysitter because our kids are so damn difficult to wrangle.
As we swooned over the idea of going out sans children, we realized it's been literally years since we've been out to the movies. (Oh, to have the childcare of the rich.)
In addition to not having Kim Kardashian's lifestyle, wardrobe, boobs, butt, delightfully smooth skin and selfie skills, I also found myself lamenting my serious lack of makeup and hair game.
Yes, Kim has a ridiculous hour-long makeup routine and definitely has someone else do her hair for her a lot of the time, but even with all the time in the world I could never get close to recreating Kim's flawless look.
I mean, look at that contouring next to my potato-ish jawline.
And come on, it's a ponytail, but look at how smooth and perfectly shellacked hers is when I can't even figure out how to properly hide a bobby pin.
My adulting style-game needs some serious help.
When all was said and done and photographed, I felt a little worse for the wear of trying to be one of Instagram's hottest couples.
My life doesn't come close to the Instagram-worthy beauty of Kim Kardashian West's day-to-day adventures, but as I sat on the couch taking my final photo (from an incredibly awkward angle) I realized there really isn't much I'd change given the chance.
I have a husband who loves me enough to do something as ridiculous as spend a week recreating Kim and Kanye photos.
I live in a way that isn't exhaustingly-curated or fancy and that suits me a hell of a lot more than constantly being in the public eye.
I can put my silly photos on the internet and they'll be forgotten within a week — and sometimes that's a good thing.
Gemma Hartley is a freelance writer living in Reno, Nevada. Her writing has appeared on Early Mama, Child Mode, MindBodyGreen, Role/Reboot and Mom.me.