How do you Facebook?
Ah, social media! There should be rules to regulate how we interact with each other online, but alas, there are not. People's personalities tend to come out in a raw way online, especially on Facebook.
Interestingly enough, your zodiac sign has an impact on the way you behave in the land of Facebook. (You know that guy who puts his foot in his mouth with every comment he makes? That's because he's a Sagittarius.) Here's how your astrological sign dictates your behavior online:
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Someone says something that doesn't make any sense and you point out, "That's ridiculous," and then continue to explain why. Then you end up pissing them off even further. You don't have a tolerance for online falseness, and you will point it out no matter what the consequence. If sh*t gets real, someone's getting unfriended.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your sister criticizes a photo you posted in your favorite sunglasses and you refuse to interact with her online for the next two weeks. You hold an online grudge. When you see her in person at your brother's birthday party, you smile and ask if she got her dress on sale. It's obviously a passive-aggressive a jab at her bad online behavior that you've been obsessing over and not telling anyone about.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
People are arguing about politics and you make a random joke to lighten up the mood. Everyone laughs (LOL). You love memes and hate serious discussions. The Internet is for cat pictures, rainbows, unicorns and farts. Why does everyone have to be so mean to each other? Isn't that what real life is for?
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
A friend is having a bad day and posts a public status about their breakup. You show up at her house an hour later with wine and chocolate. You're a private person and you don't want to upset her by posting about it in a public way, but you do want her to know that you care.
If someone lives far away and is having problems, you might even send them a care package. Damnit, your heart is so f*cking big! Stop making other people look bad, you assh*le. (Just kidding, keep being awesome.)
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You brag about your life and post pictures of every trip you've taken ever in life. Look at me! I'm a rock star. I've met David Beckham, Ben Affleck and his dog. I've been to Aruba and I stood on my head the whole airplane ride. Did you know I can do yoga and I'm also a type O positive blood donor? Now you do! You can see it on Facebook. Love me!
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Your Facebook statuses are as long as novels. Verbose much? Can you please learn the difference between a status and a blog post? Just f*cking get a blog already. Nobody wants to read these mammoth essays. Also, the details. I don't want to know about everything. Stop complaining about your life and do something to fix it.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
When people are fighting about Trump and Hillary, you're keeping the peace. Hey guys, stop fighting, it's not that serious! Look, Gemini just posted a funny cat meme. Isn't that cute? You don't like people being mad at each other. When an ex-boyfriend unfriends you, you cry about it to your Cancer friend.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You're ready to rip someone a new assh*le verbally at any time. If you're called into an internet argument, you will f*ck some sh*t up. You hate cats? What? No, no, no. You did not just say that. That has no validity. Scorpio will let you know that you're wrong. Don't tag them in a post unless you're ready for some real talk. Dump your boyfriend, he sucks. That dress is ugly. No, I'm not sorry. Sincerely, a Scorpio. What? You asked.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You have your foot permanently lodged in your mouth. You're consistently offending people online but often don't realize it until after the fact. Yes, that was completely offensive. We know you didn't mean to offend that guy by calling him a monkey, but he didn't like it. Don't do that. Just... no.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
You're disgusted at how much Leo is bragging about his trip to the Bahamas. You're also determined to prove someone wrong when they're being illogical. There's no research here; these ideas are based totally on emotional logic, which isn't logic at all. Please, include some studies before you start claiming to "know" about the history of sporks.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
You love to post random sh*t and don't care what other people think about it. What? Doesn't everyone love a giraffe eating ice cream? I know I do. Yeah, we all think it's weird and adorable, so keep being yourself. People misunderstand what you're trying to say all the time. It's like you're speaking German, but you're just being an Aquarius.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You're an inspiration quote addict. OK, we get it. You love to help people with pictures of happy bunnies and a quote from Ram Dass. That's nice, and also incredibly irritating and pretentious. Shut the fu*k up.