The Eternal Struggle Of The Introverted Parent

Taking care of me requires a break which is not always possible.

By Toni Hammer — Written on May 04, 2022

Photo: Da Antipina / Shutterstock

Not too long ago, I woke up one day and decided I was going to be attentive to, and present with, my kids the whole day.

I was interested in every toy they brought over to show me. I heeded every cry of concern they had over some cartoon character's possible demise. I listened to them, played their games, and did everything I could to be the best mom ever.

That night I was absolutely exhausted.

It could be because my kids are closing in on two years old and three years old, respectively, and two toddlers would wear anyone out. And that's part of it, but not all of it.

I know some may scoff at the idea of my being so proud for interacting with my kids all day. I'm their mom. Shouldn't I do that every day? What's the big deal? Do I want a medal?

I do, but not for that reason.

The reason this day was so special and so exhausting is because I'm an introvert.

Photo: Author

There is a misconception about introverts that we are anti-social. That is totally not the case. We can be very social. I don't hide in the corner at parties nor do I spend every waking moment wishing I could be by myself. I need people like anyone else.

At the crux of being an introvert is the desire — the need — to be alone in order to rejuvenate. Some people can go to a party or a busy mall or an outing with a couple of friends and feel completely refreshed and revitalized.

For us introverts, it is the opposite. Our downtime is sacred. We use the quiet, the stillness, and the absence of interaction as a way to renew our bodies and minds. We need that time alone to become ourselves again.

So that day, where I chose to be with my kids and attend to their every want and whim, where I was attentive and intuitive, it took every ounce of energy right out of me. I had zero downtime from the moment I woke up until they went to bed, and by the time they were snoozing, I was too tired to do anything to recharge my own batteries.

It's a daily struggle for me. I want to be a good mom who is watching their every move and hear every word because, as we've all been told, these moments pass all too quickly. I want to watch every musical act my daughter performs and applaud every puzzle piece my son puts in the right place. I want to laugh at every joke and play every game.

Photo: Author

But I also want to take care of myself. Taking care of me, though, requires a break which is not always possible. Some days my kids don't nap. Some days my husband has work and school and isn't available to give me a reprieve.

Some days I have to slog through emotional exhaustion just to make it to bedtime; mommy guilt weighing heavily on me for eyeing the clock while desiring just a few moments of solitude after my kids go to bed.