Help! Why Does My Girlfriend Want To Bleach Her Anus?!

Photo: WeHeartIt

It's not as simple as you might think...

Eli and Josie are advice columnists who have been answering questions about sex, dating and relationships since 2011. 

Dear Eli and Josie: The other night my girlfriend told me she wanted to get her asshole or anus bleached. She wanted to know what I thought of that idea. I froze up, and then our almost discussion got interrupted.

How am I supposed to respond to this? My girlfriend is a high school teacher, and as far as I know, she doesn’t have a secret job as a porn-star or stripper. I don’t think she has an inordinate amount of people staring at her butt or butthole.

Personally, I don’t know much about anal bleaching, and the little I do know just confuses me. Why would people go through the trouble to bleach an area that so few others see? Also, bleach in the anus? Isn’t that dangerous? Help please! 


She Said: Now listen here, people. I am a big fan of keeping things pretty and clean down below. I feel bad for my friends who haven’t yet experienced the joy of the almost-bare bikini wax. 

You think I’m being sarcastic, don’t you? Joy in getting your hairs ripped out? Yes, seriously, joy. It’s so clean! It’s so pretty! It’s so… soft!

So keep me in context when I say this: Anal bleaching is bat-shit foolish. You need to sit down with your girlfriend and make clear to her that she can do whatever she wants with her body, but that not once in your life did you wonder if her ass crack could be lighter. Tell her that there has never been a situation that your boner went soft because of the natural pigment of her flesh. 

My gut tells me she is watching some porn (with you?) and getting a whacked out idea of what men expect. While I’m a big fan of non-exploitive pornography, I think it can sometimes cause us to have bizarre-o notions of what sex should look like. 

Great sex doesn’t require the Kama Sutra, it doesn’t need a bright and shiny anus, it doesn’t require expensive toys, or even a slick bikini area. Those things might be fun, but reassure your girlfriend that all you really need is her.


He Said: Why can’t she just bedazzle it?

Personally, I’m with you — I would be a bit confused too. But if your girlfriend is intent on following through with her anal alterations, I would just support her (and get educated about the process together).  

The area around the bootyhole (known as the anal sphincter) darkens over time, because of obvious reasons, a.k.a goin' number two. It can also discolor because of hormonal changes, or even from shaving in that area. It's the same for men as well as women.    

From what I understand, the process of anal bleaching itself (done correctly and by a professional) is safe. It's done through a continued application of a cream, and results happen over time. 

Remember, the best thing you can do here is have a conversation. Find out why your girlfriend wants to bleach her anus. Perhaps she thinks it will make her feel sexier, or even cleaner. Maybe she’s just curious.  

Regardless, if she knows you support her, she’ll feel better about whatever decision she makes. In the end, it’s her anus, and she’ll do with it as she pleases.

FYI, there are also creams for nipple and vaginal bleaching, but that’s just between you and me (and hopefully not your girlfriend).  

If you have a question for Eli and Josie, ask it here.


Explore YourTango