Do you have what it takes?
If you want to win the right man’s heart, you need to know what it is that makes a man go from just feeling casual about dating you to wanting and needing you on a deeper level. I’m going to take you inside a man’s mind you so you understand what it takes to trigger this kind of connection.
And I’m talking about a real man — one who is mature and grounded on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. They are on a great path and open to growing on a deeply personal level.
I’m betting that’s exactly why you’re on this site: to find a quality kind of guy — a real man looking for a real relationship.
So what does a mature, REAL man want in a woman?
1. A real man wants a woman who is playful.
There’s something that drives men wild and invites them into a deeper level of “connection” — play.
Men love to be active and to play. They were raised to express themselves and connect with those around them through action. Unfortunately, too many women seem to forget this and want to talk their way into a man’s heart.
But the fact is that men don’t “feel it” for you because of what you say. It’s not your words that make a man attracted to you, it’s the experiences you create with him.
Watch or play sports together, be competitive in casual games like ping pong — even add a little teasing and sarcasm here and there — and you’ll really ramp up the attraction and interest.
2. A real man wants a woman who is independent.
Lots of women mistakenly believe that men are looking for a “weaker” woman who will make them feel like they are smarter and more powerful. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Real men want a woman who inspires them because she has great things going on her own life. They want a woman who has her own purpose other than being in a relationship.
A great guy isn’t intimidated by independence and success. What matters to a man is that a woman still has space in her life for a great relationship and is grounded and present when she’s with him.
The best way to communicate this to a man is to stay busy in your own life and not suddenly make him your world. Don’t drop your own interests, responsibilities, and friends just to be with him. And then, when you are with him, really BE with him — have fun and give your attention to him and what you’re doing together.
3. A real man wants a woman who is emotionally mature.
If a man feels attracted to a woman, eventually there’s going to be a situation that comes up where you and a man will see something differently and misunderstand each other. How will you respond to this and share your feelings?
A woman who has the maturity to not blame or criticize a man for what she’s feeling, but to share her feelings in an honest and authentic way that helps a man better understand her will be attractive to a man. How a woman handles her emotions is one of the most important things men look for when deciding whether or not to get serious with a woman. If she lets her emotions get out of control, this is a big red flag to him.
On the other hand, if she can present her feelings to him in a calm, non-dramatic manner, she will win his respect and make him feel like she’s the kind of woman who will be a real partner to him. He’ll see that she can handle things with a cool head rather than becoming a damsel in distress he has to rescue.
4. A real man wants a woman he's intensely attracted to.
Fact: Men aren’t as scared of commitment and relationships as they are scared of being in a relationship with a woman where there is no passion and attraction.
A common way women accidentally kill the attraction men might be feeling is by either trying too hard to get him to like you, or by acting like the relationship is too serious too soon.
Relax and let things happen naturally. Make sure you do and say things that interject fun and humor into your relationship from the very start. There’s nothing more appealing to a man than a great woman who knows how to relax and have fun. You can do this through playful teasing, flirting, humor, and being unpredictable (in a good way).
For instance, instead of talking about what he does for a living when you meet him (yawn), ask him about what sports he plays and what drives him. Once you’re in a relationship, don’t be afraid to shake things up. If you normally go to brunch on Sundays, suggest something completely different like a bike ride and a picnic.
Mixing things up keeps the relationship fun for both of you, and being a woman who is open to new experiences is very attractive to him.
This article was originally published at eHarmony. Reprinted with permission from the author.