Been there. Done that.
It's totally normal to think ahead toward new love after a breakup. Who will love me again? and When will a "real" love finally grace my doorstep? are questions that can help catapult you out of your post-breakup sadness and depression.
But how soon is TOO soon to jump into a relationship again?
Conventionally, rebound hookups and relationships are considered "risky business". We look down on people who jump from relationship to relationship ... but is that fair?
It makes total sense to ask ourselves questions before moving on. Are you really able to love someone new if you still miss your ex? If you're still questioning why you broke up in the first place, are you going to be able to give all of yourself to a new relationship?
What if you hurt someone else in the process of trying to get a fresh start — especially if you find out you're not really as ready as you thought you were?
These are all important questions, for sure, but all of that said, the other side of the argument is that loving someone else really CAN help us heal a broken heart. Sometimes having someone new to focus on helps you forget about your troubles.
In fact, a new love can help remind you of the real you, not the version your ex knew.
Just think about it — if you wait too long to pursue a new relationship, you might let the "right" one slip away. And what if you get "stuck" in your old "someone-done-me-wrong" song (or worse)? You might lose sight of how important a good relationship can be to your life (i.e. people in strong relationships live longer, have more money etc. vs. when they're single).
So, should you wait before dating again? If so, how long? Or should you jump right back in ... before it's too late?
We took this question to our panel of Experts to see what they had to say. Melanie Gorman (YourTango Experts Senior VP) is joined by renowned anthropologist and researcher Dr. Helen Fisher, behavioral analyst Steven Sisler, divorce coach Kimberly Mishkin and author Cathleen Miller for a frank discussion on the risky business of rebounding after a breakup. You might be surprised at what they have to say!
If you're struggling over your own breakup and can't move on, you can find NYC-based support from Kimberly and her team at SAS for Women. Looking to understand yourself better? Reach out to Steven for a behavioral analysis on his website. Or, if you're looking to leverage your intuition to work your way out of this mess, Cathleen Miller can help and you can find more about her here.