Pay attention, wives! It's not because I'm prettier than you.
It happened again: A husband of a friend, thinking he was being sly, let me know how attracted he was to me. Then, in typical needy-man fashion, he boasted about his sexual stamina, his love for all things oral (giving and taking, he assured me), and throughout the evening, his eyes, hands and body followed me wherever I went.
This happens more often than one would think. Sometimes the men are more overt ("Do you want to f*ck while my wife is at work?"), and sometimes it's their body language (making every effort to touch me and make eye contact without explicitly saying, "Please have sex with me!") that cues me into their lust-filled desire.
You should know up front that I'm not trying to seduce your husband; I'm just being a normal, nice person, and your husband takes that kindness as a sexual invitation. When I questioned why this kept happening, I realized something you may not like to hear: this is partly your fault.
There's a demographic out there for men who will come on to their wives' friends, and they tend to be married for over a decade, have children, and have settled into comfortable, emotionally barren relationships with their wives. While not every man fits this category (some are just perverts who want a side piece), for the most part, these sexual yearnings have more to do with feeling lonely and rejected and less to do with being an assh*le.
After a few years of being fancied by forlorn husbands, I've deduced the following reasons your significant other wants to get me in the sack. It's important that you know I haven't slept with your man, but one day someone else might. Up your emotional game and give your hubby some return on his investment.
Here are the reasons your husband wants to f*ck my brains out. Let's replace me with you, OK?
1. He feels validated when he talks to me.
I practice the fine art of active listening. I repeat back the key points of what your husband says to me, I ask questions to further my understanding of his ideas, and I offer encouraging, uplifting words to let him know things are going to be OK. I've seen you talk to your guy, and the eye-rolling, negativity and nagging aren't doing much to give him a boner. Just saying.
2. I look him in the eye.
This is standard for me, but for a man thirsting for intimacy, it's as forthcoming as flashing him my tits. When he talks to you, you seem too busy with life to even acknowledge him, let alone hold his gaze.
3. He's able to finish speaking when we talk.
I know you've been together so long you feel like you can complete each other's sentences, but he actually wants to say the entirety of what's on his mind. When you cut him off, it's like a verbal cock block.
4. I laugh at his jokes.
No, your husband isn't that funny, but it's a small kindness to offer a giggle when someone makes the effort to tell a joke. It makes him feel good about himself which is a major attraction magnet.
5. I don't insult him.
He isn't a bad guy, but it seems like he can never get it right with you. No matter how hard he tries, he's screwed up somehow, and it's easy to see how that defeats his libido. I don't hold a grudge when he makes a mistake and I'm quick to point out the positives, which (along with #1) are as good as going down on him.
6. He likes my open mind.
While you're comfortably set in your ways, I offer a fresh perspective on life. I'm not quick to judge and I'm willing to try new things for the fun of it. When your husband is around me, this makes him feel young and alive, which is key to his sexual potency.
7. We don't talk about the same old sh*t.
Here's where not being married to him has its advantages. I don't have to talk his ear off about our child's appointment or why I'm tired of the neighbor gossiping about me. He's hungry for stimulation, not just in his nether regions, and our talks give him just what he's looking for.
8. I don't reject him.
When he approaches me, I smile. When he gives me a hug, I hug him back. When he touches you or tries to kiss you, I've seen you recoil in feigned (or maybe real?) disgust. It may be that funny thing you do because you've been together forever, but you might as well be taking a giant sh*t on his ego, because you've just let him know how unwanted he is by you.
9. I make an effort to look nice.
I'm not doing this for your husband; I'm doing it for myself. I shower daily, put on a little makeup, and make sure to wear my favorite perfume. He loves you, don't get me wrong, but when you haven't even bothered to brush your teeth by the time he gets home from work, it's no wonder I've caught his eye.
Hygiene isn't just because you're going somewhere; it's because you take pride in yourself. You don't have to go full hooker to entice him either. Just wash your face and put some lipstick on, for God's sake.