It’s a law of nature; you get what you give. Great marriages aren’t accidents.
By Shawn Doyle
Maybe she would say you are a “good” husband, or you are an “OK” husband. Maybe she would even say you are a disappointment to her. All I know is I meet lots of people every week who tell me that their husbands are not so great.
How? Start by being a great husband and if you are a great husband you will melt her heart and she in return will be a great wife.
My beloved wife says I’m a great husband, and I would certainly call our marriage “great” so I asked her what about me makes our marriage great for her.
1. Tell her she is beautiful, tell her she’s looking great.
She is, but do you tell her? Do you say, “Wow babe, you look so beautiful tonight. Your eyes are so incredible.” Watch her light up when you say it, especially when you mean it.
Guys say all the time, “I don’t need to tell her, she already knows I think she is beautiful, that’s why I married her.” Yes, she already knows it, but she needs to hear you say it and she needs to hear you say it more. Why are you being stingy with your words?
Here is the deal; if she loves you and you make her feel better about herself, she will love you even more. Who doesn’t love a compliment? Admit it, you need them too – everybody needs an ego boost every now and then.
2. Do small things for her.
Do you think small things really don’t matter? You are so wrong. Small things aren’t small. They are huge and can have a great impact on how she feels about you and your relationship.
It is romantic as hell to leave a love note in her car, or pick up her cleaning so she doesn’t have to. Take her car and fill it up with gas the night before so she doesn’t have to in the morning. Give her a neck massage. Leave a voice mail to let her know you were just thinking about her. She loves knowing you are thinking of her.
Be noble and commit these small acts of kindness and you will be her knight in shining armor.
Besides it's a great feeling to help her. OK gents, here is an admission; I write my wife a small love note every weekday morning and she reads it at lunchtime. These mean the world to her. She often says in her crazy-busy world at work the lunchtime note is what gets her through her day.
3. Support her.
I am not talking about financially — I am talking about her knowing that her man has her back. She needs to know you are on her side and will protect her, defend her against all the things that hurt her or are upsetting to her.
This, by the way, includes the simple act of listening when she is frustrated, not solving it, but letting her vent. Ask her how you can help.
You also need to be positive and let her know that you believe in her and pick her up when she is down. She wants to know you are committed to her.
As Georgina Chapman once said, “What I love about my husband is he allows me to be the best person I can be.”
4. Ask her what she needs.
Turn off the TV, put down your phone and stop checking those damn emails. Go somewhere quiet and ask her what she really needs emotionally, physically, spiritually, and every other way.
What does she need from you? What would she like you to do more? Less? What needs to be changed?
Look we’re not necessarily the best at being mind-readers so please don’t guess. She will really be so touched that you asked.
As George Hinckley once said, “If every man would make his prime concern the comfort and well-being of his wife, and every wife make her chief concern the comfort and well-being of her husband, we would have very little divorce in the land.”
5. Tell her what you need.
She can’t read your mind either — she doesn’t have a crystal ball. Communication is the key, so have a conversation about what you need from her.
What do you want in your marriage? Don’t discuss this in a demanding, complaining, or negative way but a “I want us to have a great marriage” way. Tell her what you want and need and what would make you happy. She wants you to be happy too.
6. Set up special “dates.”
Surprise her by making her a candle-lit dinner at home, pick her some flowers, arrange a date night by surprising her with concert tickets, plan short overnight getaways just for the two of you. Take her on a hike and pack her favorite food for the picnic.
Special dates have a magic and keep the spark going. A fire goes out if it is not constantly fed. You had great hot dates when you were dating, why don’t you have them now? You stopped trying so hard because let’s face it — you won her over.
So I'm now laying down the gauntlet. And my friend I am challenging you to be a great husband, not just average, not OK, not just less irritating — but great.
You can do it if you just make the commitment. You made a commitment to marry her, so make a commitment to be a great husband. Your reward is that you will have a marriage and life filled with joy, pleasure and happiness.
And when people ask her about her marriage she will smile, and with a twinkle in her eye say, “I have a great husband!”
This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.