Photo: WeHeartIt
And they're not holding back.
By Bob Alaburda — Written on Sep 03, 2015
We've crunched the numbers and the results are in: there's nothing sadder than a handjob. If you listen closely, scholars believe that every time a dry handjob is given, you can faintly hear The Price Is Right sad trombone playing in the background.
It seems that when it comes to lending a helping hand, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Plus, every guy surveyed said it's the least pleasurable of all the "options" in the bedroom.
How could something that ends in orgasm be so disappointing? Don't take my word for it, let these six men tell you why:
1. It's foreplay at best.
"Handjobs are the worst. Don't get me wrong, it feels good and all, but it should be relegated to a few moments of foreplay. Sitting there for however long it takes to finish is a HUGE disappointment when we could be doing so many other fun things instead."
2. He's better at it than you are.
"Not a fan. Mainly because the girl is never going to be as good as I am at it. And besides, why do the one thing for me that I could just do myself? Not to mention she's not getting anything out of it in the process. It's a lose-lose situation."
3. It's not going to work in the end.
"They're OK I guess, but I'll probably never finish that way. I don't know, it's just not that exciting. I'd rather be doing anything else when it comes to sex. She could start things off with an HJ but I'd rather move on quickly."
4. It's not as intimate or passionate.
"It's like, the most disconnected thing you can do in the bedroom. It feels super lazy and lukewarm. I'd rather do something more intense and fun, which is basically anything else."
5. It's not exciting enough.
"I don't know, handjobs are pretty boring. What are we, 15? With everything else at our disposal, why settle for that?"
6. Other options feel better.
"Of all the body parts you could put your penis in, the hand feels the worst. So what's the point? There are plenty of good orifices and I'd rather her employ those instead."
