Why do some guys have semen that tastes better than others?
Like beer, wine, and sushi, semen can be an acquired taste. And the taste of semen varies from producer to producer.
A recent piece in Women's Health asks, "Why do some guys' semen tastes funky?"
According to Brian L. Steixner, M.D., director of the Institute for Men's Health at the Jersey, Urology Group, about 95 to 98 percent of semen isn't sperm. Most of it is water, fructose, enzymes, minerals, and compounds that keep sperm healthy and help them find your egg.
The greatest changes to this ingredient list come when guys are dealing with prostate cancer, STDs, and urinary tract infections. Bacteria, viruses, and/or blood can sometimes be found in semen and obviously that's not a good thing.
On a more positive note, semen also contains zinc, calcium and other minerals, and can potentially help fight tooth decay (and whiten teeth), as well as boost the immune and nervous systems.
Still there's that whole bad taste thing, drinking lots of water does help.
"I tell guys they always need to get at least two liters of water a day between what they drink and what they eat. Vegetables like celery and cucumbers help keep semen's water content where it needs to be," says Steixner.
What are the five foods that affect the taste of semen negatively? Asparagus, garlic, cabbage, alcohol, and protein. Not foods, but things that affect the yuck factor? Smoking, drugs, lack of exercise, and poor hygiene.
Some people say they love semen. And for those people, I introduce to you the 62-page cookbook Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-based Recipes by Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer.
I have to say, the picture of wiggling flan on the cover wasn't appetizing. In the description the book says, "Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties."
Some of the recipes include roasted lamb with good gravy, noodles with special sauce, pungent aioli, and tiramisu surprise. It seems like a joke, doesn't it? Or a revenge plot where the victim of bullying will no longer stand to be tortured, so they serve the bully crepes with a mysterious cream sauce?
Photenhauer also has a book of cocktails (hehe) called Semenlogy: The Semen Bartenders Handbook. This guy seems to have a lot of time or ingredients on his hands.
I can't help but think of the scene in American Pie where Stifler drinks the cup of man juice. Gah. Again, it makes me sick just thinking about it.
I just have to wonder if there's some secret group determined to change our thinking regarding the taste of semen, and make like it's some super delicious nutritious drink that will get rid of acne, cramps, and depression.
I wonder what would happen if you made something from the semen cookbook using the semen-taste-improving ingredients? Super shiny hair and white teeth, definitely.