Patti Stanger would agree ...
Preparing to meet a matchmaker may seem simple.
You head to the matchmaker with a list of things you're looking for in a partner and relationship, but you'll soon realize (thanks to your matchmaker!) that what you described as your perfect partner isn't exactly what's best for you.
Oftentimes, the entire list of qualities isn't found in just one person, so this list is just a concoction for your dream partner ... who isn't real. It's a matchmaker's job to help you realize what exactly you are looking for in a prospective partner.
Professional matchmaker and host Paul Carrick Brunson, certified matchmaker, dating coach, founder and CEO of New York Socials Marina Margulis, certified matchmaker, dating coach and founder of AVConnexions, LLC Arlene Vasquez and matchmaker and dating coach Peggy Wolman discuss some helpful ways to tackle that fantasy list of yours.
Here's some questions to ask yourself in order to mindfully make a list of qualities you're looking for in a partner:
1. What Is Your Idea Of A Relationship?
Know exactly what you're expecting in a future relationship. Think about what goals you want to meet with your prospective partner. Do you want to have a long-lasting future with this person? Do you want marriage and/or children? Where do you see yourself with this person in 10 years? This helps the matchmaker pair you with someone who shares the same perspective and goals.
"So one of the things that I usually say to them is, Tell me what a relationship is? Because it could be different from me to you to you. The definition of 'relationship' is so broad that these days we can't assume we know what our clients want. And so, I ask them flat out ... At what point will you be happy? Living together? Married? Do you need that piece of paper? Will you be perfectly happy just traveling together? Everybody has a different concept, and once we define [it], we can move towards it," explains Marina Margulis.
2. What Are Your Needs?
There are certain aspects of a relationship that are negotiable, such as good looks and high yearly income. These aren't really necessary to make your relationship thrive because you can work these things out with a person you fall in love with.
Here's what's really important (AKA the non-negotiables): Your thoughts on marriage, your thoughts on kids, and your thoughts on religion. From this new list of needs (rather than the wants), your matchmaker can better determine who is a perfect potential match for you.
Arlene Vasquez suggests, "Take an assessment of your life right now. [What] are your goals going forward? I mean, if you're not finding to have children in your 50s, do you really need to date someone who's in [those] childbearing years? It's just going to complicate your life a little bit more. So really focus on, What do I want to be doing? Am I an empty-nester or are you going to have kids? Whatever the case may be. So focus definitely on the needs because I think the wants — you know you're not going to find the perfect person. There's no such thing out there."
Want to know some more great ways to prepare for your first meeting with a matchmaker? Scroll up to the video above to hear some expert advice that these professional matchmakers say will help you plan for the your future love.