5 Reasons Atheists Make Better Husbands (As Written By One)

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 Atheists Are SO Much Better At Relationships

WWJD? Not anal, that's for sure.

I once dated a woman who rediscovered Jesus halfway through our relationship. I'm not certain where he was hiding all this time, be she sure did find him.

And yes, it felt a little awkward for my girlfriend to be with another man, even if that other man didn't actually exist. I tried to be open to the idea — I let them see each other every Sunday; I even participated in the love triangle every now and then.

But eventually, there were things he could give her that I just couldn't. Eternal salvation is a pretty big deal I guess.

In the end, her religion turned into the primary destructive force in our relationship. And not the discord in our beliefs — we were pretty tolerant of each other in that respect — but the actual rules and values her religion forced her to follow.

Learn from my mistakes. Here's why relationships are much better with a non-religious person:

1. We believe that having a healthy sex life is totally rad, not some sinful Catch-22.

With a religious person, sex is a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" proposition. Technically, only they're damned if they do. But your relationship is damned if you don't.

With the 3 major religions, premarital sex engenders shame, guilt, and self-loathing in the pious party. You either have no sex life at all, or are someone who hates themselves a little more every time you do it.

It's a recipe for resentment, for both parties. Erasing God from the equation helps you both have a healthy, positive attitude about sex. You can still scream his name in bed, if you want.

2. You come first in our life.

If you date a devout follower of religion, you'll never be the most important thing in their life. If it came down to you or their god, guess who has power over their eternal soul? Not you. Not even the Ghostbusters.

With an atheist or agnostic, you'll never have to compete with someone's imaginary friend ... and lose.

3. We make the most of our life, because that's all we've got.

Religion is like an audition, except you spend your whole life trying to get the part. And you're not sure the part even exists. And maybe this guy isn't even a casting director and he's just trying to take advantage of your naivety to get in your pants ... or something like that.

Religion requires a lifetime of appeasement and concession. Sex isn't the only sin.

Do you want to spend your time with someone on their best behavior, preparing for another life? Or would you rather be with someone living this one to the fullest?

4. We let science handle the birth control, not divine intervention.

As a demographic that's largely pro-war and pro death penalty, the devoutly religious don't like it when you stop more people from being born that they can send to Afghanistan or death row.

An atheist will never protest using a condom on moral grounds or deny you Plan B for faith-based reasons.

All the better to revel in our dirty, heathen sex consequence-free. Imagine how different the world would be if THAT sentence was in the Bible.

5. We don't (automatically) subscribe to the idea that women are inferior to men.

Obviously, I can't speak to the opinion of all atheists. There surely are misogynistic douches out there who don't subscribe to religion.

The difference is, with religion, it's institutionalized. All three major religions essentially consider women property, and treat them as such.

Do you want someone who considers you subservient, or your equal?


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