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And hey, it's better than no sex, right?
By Christine Schoenwald — Written on May 15, 2022
I was once in a relationship where we only had sex on holidays, which isn’t as infrequent as it may sound. There’s always some kind of holiday (besides the major ones,) and when it comes to getting some, who wouldn’t want to celebrate Wiggle Your Toes Day, Bad Poetry Day, and Dog in Politics Day?
The problem with our sex life was that we weren’t a good fit, and we weren't good at communicating what it was that we really wanted.
I thought my boyfriend was a terrible kisser, and it felt as if he was hiding his tongue from me which I thought was very passive-aggressive.
I began to hate kissing him, and that negatively affected our sex life.
We still stayed together for some time after that and our sex life proceeded to get better. I should have said something, and he should have told me why he was forcing me to play hide-and-seek with his tongue.
Sometimes, bad sex is better than no sex.
7 Reasons Bad Sex Is Actually Good For You, Says Science
1. Sex can help improve your immune system.
People who have sex frequently (more often than Hug Your Cat Day,) have higher levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA). The IgA immune system's job is to fight off invading organisms at their entry points( kind of like bouncers at an exclusive club,) lowering or stopping the activation of the body's immune system.
2. Sex is heart-healthy.
Sex keeps the levels of estrogen and testosterone in balance, and people who have sex at least twice a week are less likely to develop heart disease than those who have it less often.
3. Sexual activity helps with stress and helps to lower blood pressure.
Sex releases your body's feel-good chemicals which boost pleasure, and confidence.
4. Sex is exercise and can boost your heart rate, burn calories, and strengthen muscles.
Bonus—sex can help your balance and flexibility.
5. Sex is nature's pain reliever.
Sex releases pain-reducing hormones and can help block back and leg pain, as well as PMS pain, arthritis, and headaches.
6. You sleep better when you're having regular sex.
7. Sex can help with bladder control as it can strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.
But for some people, the great benefits of sex aren't enough to take away from the negatives of bad sex. Part of the problem comes from the expectations of how they think they're supposed to feel, want, or do in regards to sex, and what the realities are.
They think that every encounter needs to be wild, passionate, with multiple orgasms for everyone, abandon, and acrobatic positions. When their expectations don't match what's actually happening, people can doubt that they know what they're doing, and how they're doing it. They lose their mojo.
To have more good sex than bad, you need to be fully aware of how you feel and what you want.
Maybe you just want to cuddle, or maybe a quick sexing session is what you are into at the moment.
As long as you know what it is that you want, what you're physically able to do (listen to your body,) take ownership of your desire, be sure to tell your partner what you're in the mood for, then your sex will be a lot better.
Be honest with your partner, but more importantly be honest with yourself and take responsibility for your sexual experience. Bad sex isn't just one person's fault, if your partner isn't doing things to please you or isn't doing them in the way you like, tell them. There are so many benefits to great sex, why would you want to miss out?
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Christine Schoenwald is a writer and performer. She's had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, and Woman's Day. Visit her website.