UGH, just five more minutes.
You are NOT a morning person, so people should just know not to talk to you before 10 a.m. — nothing good can come from someone who actually SMILES at you before you've had your coffee. These are just a few of the myriad struggles that only people who love sleeping in (and have an intense love/hate relationship with the snooze button) will understand:
1. Morning people. Who are you and what planet of INSANITY did you come from? Get away from us.
2. 9 a.m. meetings. At this point, you're convinced someone's just scheduling them for the sole purpose of pissing you off.
3. DO NOT SPEAK TO US UNTIL WE'VE HAD COFFEE. Seriously. We are not above un-caffeinated violence.
4. Abusing the snooze button. Basically, our iPhone alarms look like this:
5. Sunshine. Listen, we love that you keep us warm and give us plenty of Vitamin D, but how about you don't show your face until at least 10 am, k? K?
6. Speaking of sunshine, dark curtains are our friends. None of this transparent drapes sh*t. We like to sleep in caves.
7. Early flights. Every time we astonishingly rouse ourselves for a 6 am flight, we swear on our mother's grave we will never, EVER make that mistake ever again. (We inevitably make that same mistake again.)
8. WEEKENDS GLORIOUS GLORIOUS WEEKENDS. How we love thee, how we love thee.
9. Animals who jump on our faces wanting to be fed. Listen, Fluffmonster, I thought I trained you to be on a nighttime meal and pee schedule. Stop barking. Pleeeeease stop barking. Ugh. Okay fine, I'm up.
10. Hotel room service was basically invented for people who don't like to wake up, amiright? I'm right.