Repeat after me: Being a parent isn't your only identity.
Sometimes, it seems as if being married today is a lot harder than ever. Whether it's getting caught up in a super timely project for work, taking care of the kids or finishing chores, we're all absorbed with our busy schedules.
We want to spend time with our spouses but things keep coming up and before you know it, "just ten more minutes" becomes a mantra in our marriage. And then we wonder why our relationship is in trouble.
Yes, it's true that raising a family means putting in serious effort to keep the house tidy, put food on the table, as well as making sure that you take care of your kids' needs. But as a wife AND a parent, it's important that you also remember that your marriage is just as important — if not, more so.
After all, you can't raise happy kids if their core foundation isn't rock solid; a healthy family is only as strong as the parents.
Host Dr. Tammy Nelson, Imago Institute's Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Tony Victor LCPC, Sue Butler LMFT and Certified Sex Therapist Kimberly Anderson raise great points about how you can maintain a great marriage. The good news is that isn't as hard as you think!
1. Setting a daily routine for you and your relationship is a MUST.
Whether it means setting up a weekly double date with your best friend or setting aside time for just the two of you, having a routine will motivate you. Getting out of the house for some much needed fresh air is a good first step if you're not sure where to start.
2. Be honest about what you're feeling.
It doesn't matter how obvious your mommyhood stress is, chances are, your husband doesn't fully understand what's going on. Don't be afraid to let him in.
3. Call in some reinforcements.
There's nothing wrong with getting outside help from time to time. Get rid of that mentality RIGHT NOW. Having an extra set of eyes and ears on the situation can make a huge difference.
4. Sometimes, putting your marriage first is necessary.
Here us out. Your children are your world, end of story. But sometimes, you get so caught up in being parents that you forget that being a parent isn't your only identity.
Kimberley Anderson says, "I think one of the most important things that couples can do is celebrate their identities as husband and wife, rather than just a mother and a father. Parenting [is] very de-eroticizing. I think it's important [that you] jazz things up by seeing your partner as a man and a woman and not just as the father or the mother of your child."
5. Agree to disagree.
All healthy couples fight. It's completely natural. How you handle those arguments is what really matters. Remember that fighting isn't about finding a clear winner, but getting to a point where you both feel heard and understood.
6. PDA is totally healthy!
Showing your kids just how much you love each other will impact the way they see future relationships.
Although these quick tips are guaranteed to improve your relationship with your partner, Rome wasn't built in a day. Whenever you feel the urge to bury yourself in your work, do yourself a favor and hit that play button again and again.