When my husband asked for a threesome, I hesitated ... until I realized what I could learn.
When I first married, my husband was the second man I ever slept with. I thought he would be my last.
Until three years into our marriage when he began to beg me for a threesome.
I finally agreed. I thought it would be a one-time experience, but we both enjoyed it so much, we found ourselves actively swinging and hitting sex clubs within the year.
We’ve been married almost twenty years now. And the things we’ve learned from opening our marriage, hitting sex clubs, and enjoying just about every experience under the sun together has taught us more than a few things about sex — and we’ve learned a lot of things about making love, too.
Obviously every person is different and as you open up, you'll discover things you love and things you don't care for and things you detest.
The key is sensuality, seduction, fantasy. You are lovers. Act like it! You've made all the babies you're going to make, so this is all about fun. Pretend you don't know each other. Pretend you are going to seduce this sexy stranger you met at a blogging event. What would you do? What would you want him to do to you?
Candles, hot music, fuck-me hair and makeup. Sometimes we need some drama, you know? Not every time, but some times. Slutty shoes, a really small thong — every girl needs at least one pair.
Here are seven lessons that sex clubs have really made “stick.”
1. Get yourself some Astroglide.
Rule #1. You want it. You need it. Sometimes you just need to get it going faster, and Astroglide does the trick.
Just rub some down there and it's like magic. Also amazing for masturbating.
2. Discover amazing oral sex.
Not been so great in the past? He's doing it wrong.
First, you have to decide what you like - I think most girls like their clitoris, and the area just around it, licked but there are variations in speed of the tongue movement (I like it very slow), pressure, and how much of the tongue is used in this task (like just the tip or more of the wide part of the tongue).
NO TEETH. EVER. Soft, slow-ish and sensual.
3. Learn what YOU love.
Experiment with each other in bed. Discover what you love.
If you’re interested in going monogam-ish, experiment together before you ever consider moving into things with other people.
Talk a lot before you ever do something like this and even then it won't be enough because unexpected things happen in those kinds of situations and you can't plan for them. If you never do, that's up to you. If you do, you might love it or hate it. Or both. That's what experimenting is.
The first time my husband and I went to a club with some friends I had four orgasms in the span of a few hours. It was crazy.
I'm the one that generally holds back and resists anything too crazy or experimental, but in the end I'm glad my husband has pushed for us to be more open and eventually branch out to things I never would have considered.
Not all of those things have been great, but most of them have. I've learned a lot about what I like and don't like, what I feel comfortable with and what really turns me on.
Do you want him to talk or be silent? My husband likes it when I say dirty things, but I really don't like it when he says them to me. It doesn't turn me on. It's okay if he says something like "OMG, you're so fucking sexy ..." or "F*ck yeah!" but I don't want to hear how he's going to do this or that to me.
I prefer imagining things and touch — lots of hard rubbing, almost like a massage during sex, if that makes sense. Arms, legs, butt, thighs, calf muscles. I love it all.
4. You are responsible for your own orgasm.
How do you like it? What makes you have an orgasm? You on top? You on bottom? From behind? Standing up? Orally?
Is it your work that makes you orgasm or his? If you can’t answer these questions, how are you going to tell your sex partner how to get you off? Ultimately, it’s up to you to find my own orgasm.
Of course, you need a partner (or a device) ... but knowing what turns you on is 85% of the work.
The idea of dedicating a one hour massage to you is a really good idea for people who haven't had the most open sexual experience. It's like the ultimate warm-up for a marathon.
Some friends gave me that advice way back when and it changed everything. You don't have to do it all the time — once will even do.
5. The girl goes first.
I'll say it again: YOU GO first. Always.
It is much easier for him to do it once, or even twice than you. And once he'd done, forget it.
So always you first.
6. Porn is good.
But only the kind you like.
I hate guy-girl porn. But I like girl-girl porn. But it has to feel at least a little bit real.
7. Try new things.
There are a lot of things that can turn a person on or ramp things up during sex. I'm just going to spill and you can decide what sounds good to you.
- Fingers in tight places.
- Penis between breasts.
- Penis between butt-cheeks — like on top, either you laying down or standing up, bending over (Not *in* although you should try it at least once, but you really need a good warm up plan for that).
- 69 laying on your sides — it's much more comfortable that way.
- Him laying down on his back, you ride him with your back to him (your legs get tired, so you can't do it for a super long time, but it's a good trick).
- Finger/toe licking/sucking.
- A *little* rough but not too rough.
- Kissing right around your pelvic bone, the back of your neck or top of your shoulders.
I've slept with guys who are totally different than my husband in different ways and it's exciting.
I don't feel the need to compare them because it's just different. I love my husband and I don't love them — so it's not the same in the end.
There's the neighbor who first took us to a swingers club, the stay-at home dad volleyball player from the kids old school, the 22-year-old college graduate I picked up in a bar, my divorced friend's 26-year-old roommate, the guy I had a crush on from fourth grade, and a blonde girl at the club.
Yes, I had full-on sex with a girl. And it was awesome.
My husband thought it was awesome, too. He took me home and threw me on the bed, kissed me up and down, and together we made love again — just like it was our first time.
Unomum is our space to explore the many million issues of single motherhood, but it's also for all the ladies — women stuck in shitty marriages, unfulfilled broads wishing for divorce, and happily coupled former single moms with a shit-ton of wisdom to share.