Moving in is all fun and games until he puts in his retainer.
So you're moving in together? Congrats! By now you've started the process of packing up your things and ignoring the judgmental stares of your mother and her friends. You're excited about the move, which is understandable, but you're also probably blinded by that new-homeowner excitement and aren't aware of what you're getting yourself into.
Yes, you grew up with a brother so you're aware of the messes boys can make. But this isn't a boy. This is a man, and men come with a whole different set of "surprises" when it comes to living with them. Fortunately for you, we're giving you a glimpse into your cohabitation by pointing out a few of the surprises you're likely to encounter when you move into your little love nest.
From dressing up the dog in his gym shorts to trying to write a rap song, your honey has a strange way of occupying his time when he's at home.
Unfortunately, he doesn't *have* bubble bath so he uses dish soap instead. He says if it's good enough for his plates, it's good enough for his genitals.
You can always tell which rooms he's been in because every light is glowing in his path. It's kind of like the Trail of Tears; just a well-lit one.
You quickly learn what it takes to make him look good. It's a lot of smoke and mirrors, which sucks because there's only one bathroom mirror and you need it.
Although the man sweats like he's in a sauna, he can't seem to remember to apply even a small amount of Speed Stick. He figures cologne will cover it up. It doesn't.
Not only does he play the movies too loud, but it's caused you to have some very inappropriate dreams about Clint Eastwood.
He does, however, keep various forms of paper in the bathroom for your wiping pleasure. You soon become accustomed to using napkins and paper towels and wet wipes.
He owns exactly 2 forks, 1 knife and 13 spoons. Fortunately, you like cereal and he mostly just eats with his hands.
Your beloved may *seem* perfect in every way, but he also has a very healthy and active colon.
...Which was true before you moved in. Unfortunately, he has yet to come to that realization.
Not just chilly. Cold. Fortunately, you packed your parka.
Each night before he goes to bed, he pops in his childhood retainer. Unfortunately, its presence doesn't deter him from trying to put the moves on you.
And his reaction is always unintentionally hilarious.
All. The. Time. Sometimes they're there when you get home from work.
No. He really hates it, which is why he wears every piece of clothing at least 5 times before washing. Put Febreeze on your grocery list.