Side effects include stink-eye, dry-heaving, and intense feelings of being turned off.
Women all over the country will be flocking to the theater this weekend to see Fifty Shades Of Grey, the first in a three-part movie series. Lord, help us.
The reviews hit hard this week. At a surprisingly high 33 percent on Rotten Tomatoes at the time of writing (note: this writer does expect that rating to drop as more votes come in...), our expectations are about as low as can be. For what it's worth, this movie could (but probably not) have some redeeming moments. We've heard there are some jokes!
While called by some as the worst movie they've ever seen, Dakota Johnson has received some praise for her portrayal of wimpy Anastasia Steele. But the same can't be said for Jamie Dornan as Mr. Grey. He's been called "a casting disaster."
We have yet to see the movie, but we're sure these will be some of the thoughts running through our mind during those two hours of suffering.
Cue the gags. (And not the sexual ones.)