Seriously, Don't Date The Human Ken Doll

Barbie and Ken from Toy Story 3

Don't date a human Ken doll unless you're a human Barbie. And even still.

This guy calls himself the human Ken doll. He's gotten a bunch of plastic surgery to achieve a look that can be best described as "makes babies vomit and grow up to be serial killers." Well, now there's another one! Two human Ken dolls! That means two different people think that this is a good idea.

This keeps happening. Stop it! Why do people think this is a thing? Children grow up playing with toys, but then they become people and they're not attracted to toys. The vast majority of girls grow up and never once have sexual thoughts about their Ken dolls. This guy's view on perfection and attractiveness are huge red flags. Don't ever date anyone whose idea of looking good can be summed up as "looking like a toy."

These guys spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to achieve the perfect human form, and guess what? They look like absolute nightmares. It got to the point where plastic surgery doctors in the UK were like, "Hey, we can't do any more operations on you." Do you know how messed up you have to be for plastic surgeons to say "No, we won't accept your money"? Those people are vultures with plastic souls, and even they thought you were going too far.

One of the Human Ken dolls admitted that part of the reason he's getting all these surgeries are that he's afraid of getting old. So, he's dumb, and you shouldn't date dumb people. He's dumb because he doesn't realize that getting a nose job doesn't keep time from having an effect on your body. You know what else is effected by age? Every organ in the human body. Unless this guy's surgery plan includes a new heart and fresh kidneys, then it isn't going to work.

The whole point of these surgeries is to achieve the perfect look, right? Okay, so ostensibly these guys are doing this is to gain confidence and probably to be able to date more people. That's why people try to look attractive. So that they can attract people. So, from a dating perspective? Should you date the human Ken doll?

Of course not.

These are all major warning signs. These guys are dumb, they thinks children's toys are attractive, and they spend way too much money on plastic surgeries that make them look like they were carved from Guillermo del Toro's darkest places. Money can't buy you love, but it can buy things like rent and food and medicine. Imagine having to cut back or not celebrating a holiday because this guy decided that he needed to shave another centimeter off the top of his ears. Do any of those attributes sound like something you'd want in a significant other? If they are, then you shouldn't be allowed to make decisions for yourself anymore.

Also, uh, have you seen a Ken doll naked? That should be reason enough.


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