Why Your Big Boobs Mean You'll Spend Too Much On Black Friday

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Sex, Self

Science says you can totally blame your maxxed out credit cards on your D cups.

The next time someone questions your spending habits, whether you're the type to drop mad cash every chance you get or are one of those cheap people who never tips above 12 percent at a restaurant, you can blame it on your bra size. For real.

Personally, I think this is great news, because considering how much money I spend on just a weekly basis alone, I really do need another reason as to why I behave so irresponsibly, as opposed to the fact that I just love to spend money. Well, mom, I need you to help me out this month with money, because I'm a D-cup. I have a sneaking suspicion that's not really going to go over well with her and dad, but, hey, you never know!

So, before you start thinking I'm pulling this malarkey out of my ass, let me explain that these bizarre findings are actually from a study by a Chinese e-commerce group, Alibaba. This group decided that why, of course, bra size and spending habits go hand-in-hand, so let's do a study about it.

Alibaba broke their customers into five spending categories: low, slightly low, middle, slightly high, and high, then matched them up to their bra sizes.They found that only 7 percent of women with a B-cup were buying within the "high spending" categories, compared to 17 percent of C-cup ladies.

Women with D-cups and E-cups were even more likely to spend more, at 24 percent and 33 percent respectively. See that, ladies rocking E-cups? You can totally blame your maxed out credit cards on your big boobs! Go you!

But, tragically, the A-cup crew pretty much never spends the big bucks, at least based on this "study." So, if you’re an A-cup and find you spend more than you should, then you should get a second job, because you can’t use your breast size as an excuse. Blame your genes for that shortcoming.

So why is this the case? Well, according to Alibaba, younger women usually have smaller boobs and less money with which to play and spend wildly. Umm… OK.

Honestly, I'm not really sure how this is true considering the average age for girls to go through puberty is between 9-14, so by the time she’s 18, that bra size is pretty set in stone, unless there's excessive weight gain or a pregnancy. But moving on…

I think the takeaway from this is that there should never be a shortage of excuses as to why one spends too much money than they should. We live in a capitalist society, and it's important for us to put our hard-earned cash back into it via clothes, shoes, and limited release vinyl albums.

I mean, that's my thinking anyway, and since I have big boobs, I'm allowed to do that just that. Now if only I were an E-cup, then I could really get some damage done.


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