I'm A City Girl Who Tried An Online Dating Site For Farmers Only

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farmers only
FarmersOnly.com reminded me that what I'm looking for in a city slicker is something pure and simple

In case you haven't heard, there's an online dating site called Farmers Only, which boasts the tagline, "City folks just don't get it!" (By the way, that tagline's totally not fair to say because plenty of city folks like me were once country bumpkins themselves.) Listen, I get it. And by "it" I mean a farmer's appeal. When a friend told me about the site recently as a joke, I thought it sounded hilarious, sure, but I was also intrigued. One of the many types of men I have always thought would make a great match for me is a nice Southern boy, the kind who looks hot in a plaid shirt, plays guitar, and loves his mama more than sweet tea. I can see him now, dirty blond hair gleaming in the sunshine, out in a field chewing on a piece of wheat. Why is he chewing wheat? I don't know. But I like it. There's something so manly and authoritative about a guy saying, "F*ck it. I don't even need bread. I eat straw raw! It's a meal and a toothpick all in one."

So, with all that being said, I decided to give Farmers Only a good ole country shot.

 

Phase 1: City Girl Seeks Country Cowboy

After completing the basic sign-up to poke around the site, I was shocked by how many matches came up in the New York City area. For a site that thinks city folks "don't get it", there sure were a lot of farmers nearby, and I'm not talking about Brooklyn hipsters with rooftop bees. (I mean thanks for saving the earth and everything, though. Your homemade $20 honey is delicious, I'm sure.) These were legit hard-working blue collar guys who like ridin' four wheelers and fixin' busted cars. Of course they all like huntin' and fishin', and though I'm not a fan of guns, or NASCAR, or sports of any kind really, I am a fan of guys who aren't pretentious. And these dudes definitely were not. In addition to being down-to-earth (as many of them described themselves), they also all seemed extremely emotionally available. One guy said his family and friends mean the world to him. Another guy said he was looking for his "forever girl." (Swoon!) These men described themselves as seeking a person with good character and strong moral values. After combing through other sites looking at profile after profile of city slickers who so often seem dubious, the level of upfront vulnerability on Farmers Only was a totally refreshing change.

Phase 2: We Have A Winner And He Has A Mullet

When I got to the second page of elligible farmers near me, I noticed a guy who was from the South with a fantastic blond mullet. I'm typically not interested in guys who are business up front, party in the back, but he looked like a country singer, with a super handsome face and a lumberjack-level beard. I had to click his profile. In his "About Me" section, he stated, "I’m the type of a man that wants to know you before dating you. And what kind of woman do I want to spend my time with? One who knows what she wants and who has the confidence to go about it in a moderate way."

Um, I'm sorry, what? You had me at "I want to know you." Period. Then to top that off with, "the confidence to go about it in a moderate way?" That is the most reasoned, rational thing I've ever heard anyone say. You mean you're not looking for a super attractive, totally fit, high-intensity go-getter who wants to run her own company, volunteer, and be home in time to put the kids to bed, all while wearing tasteful, yet sophisticated heels? You're saying I can be the kind of woman who approaches my goals in a way that actually makes sense? Heavenly! I would LOVE to sit around and be moderate with you, buddy, drinking only on "special occasions," per your profile. Let's be moderate all damn day. Please, take me on a first date to Applebee's. Make me feel like I'm home.

Phase 3: Cowboys > Investment Bankers

I clicked into the third page of matches, and since I'd sorted the men by age, youngest to oldest, I found that the guys on page three were a little too old for me, but no less sweet than the others. I saw words like "honest" and "easy-going." Farmers really like to describe themselves as gentlemen, it seems, and though I'm not entirely sure what that means in this day and age, I felt like all of these guys were safe. Like the fact that they respect women is not just lip service they use to get laid. These are the kind of men that - like it or not - remind me of my dad. Dedicated, kind, big-hearted family men who may not have all the words, but who do have all the feelings. In the end, a willingness to share those feelings is what creates a happy and secure relationship. No amount of money, influence, power or education can give you that.

While I probably will not ask any of these guys out (because most of them live in rural New Jersey and I'm a Brooklyn girl), viewing their profiles really helped me remember the qualities I truly want in a mate. Integrity, kindness, a desire to provide for a family he loves, and most of all, a healthy need for emotional intimacy. Sharing that is so huge, and something a lot of city folks are too selfish, neurotic, or scared to do. One of the many guys with the word "cowboy" in his handle - a handsome guy my age - wrote, "I hold a strong value in treating everyone with respect and dignity; never afraid to show my soft side. A wise man once told me "a man is someone who shows his emotions, a coward is someone who hides them." It has never failed me and has brought me great success." How beautiful. Here's to success in love, farm boy. Thanks for the relationshipspiration.

Carolyn Castiglia is a comedian and mother who lives in Brooklyn. For more about her career, check out her full Your Tango profile. You can also follow her on Twitter or like her on Facebook.

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