Sorry boys, but we want you to try harder.
One way to ensure you stay in your lady's good graces is to make sure you buy her a great (fantastic! AMAZING!) gift. Of course, the most important part of this certain holiday is the time you spend with your S.O., but picking the right gift goes a loooooong way to putting a smile on her face.
While you can find gift guides everywhere that tell you what you should buy to warm their little hearts, there's not always a guide to tell you what to avoid buying for Valentine's Day. I'm here to change that.
Check out my list of gifts that might just be the only things worse than buying your girlfriend or wife nothing at all.
This list is designed to keep you in your significant other's good graces. So follow my tips, avoid lousy gifts, and make this a Valentine's Day your honey will NEVER forget.
And always remember, the most important thing you can do on Valentine's Day is to be present and in the moment when with your wife or girlfriend. Enjoy!
A Steering Wheel Cover
Your lady may love her car, but that doesn't mean you should buy her accessories for Valentine’s Day. Steer clear (pun totally intended) of seat covers, floor mats, a steering wheel cover, or fuzzy dice. These aren't romantic in any sense of the word (and, no, mud flaps with bikini-clad women on them do not count as sexy).
Practical gifts are no fun on Valentine's Day and, though she may have nice toasty hands on cold mornings while using her fur-lined steering wheel cover, it's going to get mighty cold in the bedroom for you if you actually buy her that gift.
Try this instead: Cashmere-lined leather gloves to keep her hands warm and stylish while driving.
A Gift Card
Unless you're buying her a specific service like a manicure or massage, gift cards are the absolute least thoughtful gift you can give to someone. There's zero thought required to give someone a plastic card worth fifty bucks at the local Target.
Try this instead: Take her somewhere romantic, but if you insist on buying loading her up with shopping, take her on a shopping spree! But you might want to think of how to make that spree a bit more romantic than "hey, let's go shopping."
A Self-Help Book
Books always make great gifts, right? They're thoughtful, and often heartfelt, and can say a lot not only about the person receiving the gift, but also the person giving the gift.
That is, unless you're actually crazy enough to buy your girlfriend or wife self-help books for Valentine's Day.
Sure, she may need them. Sure, she may have mentioned wanting to read them. But, trust me, she does not want to unwrap self-help books on Valentine's Day. She doesn't want to be reminded of any neurosis she may have to cure.
Give her this gift and you're going to find yourself at the self-help section of the bookstore looking for How to Survive a Breakup.
Try this instead: A great coffee table book on her favorite subject is always a winner.
This one's actually a tough call. Women do love their clothing. That's absolutely true. The problem with buying your woman clothes, however, is that it's a no-win situation. If you buy her clothes that are too big for her, she thinks that you think she's fat. If you buy her clothes that are too small for her, she thinks she's fat.
The chances of you getting her clothes that are the exact right size are slim to none. As much as you might think clothes are a good idea, they are not.
You will pay dearly should you ignore this advice.
Try this instead: A subscription to her favorite fashion magazine.
A Virtual Message
PLEASE don't tell me all you did last year was send your girl a text message saying "Happy Valentine's Day" (extra points off if you abbreviated it, too). It's time to shape up because virtual gifts of any kind really aren't personal at all.
Like, oh sure, that Facebook notification reeaallllyy convinced me you love me.
Try this instead: Go surprise her at her house or at work. If things are just starting out, that still putting in the effort to say "I like you more than a text."
A Heart-Shaped Pizza
Food is pretty important on V-Day for a couple of reasons. One, you want to treat her to something special for just the two of you, and two, if you wanna get really freaky, there's a ton of different yummy things you can eat off each other later that night.
That said, there's a difference between taking her out for a Valentine's Day dinner and telling her the pizza IS her gift... so be smart with this one.
Try this instead: Take her out to dinner to a place you've ALREADY made reservations to. If you haven't noticed already, women like to see that you planned in ADVANCE.
A Heart Keychain
Ahh, the keychain. Perfect for keeping her keys together and... not much else. Even one with hearts doesn't mean "I love you" the way it SHOULD mean it.
Think of it this way: if it's on the practical side, it's probably not going to cut it. Plus, can you say "boorrringgg," because I can.
Try this instead: Buy her a car to go with those keys ... duh. All kidding aside, get her something unique and that means something to both of you. Think about your first date, or where you met.
A Gift Basket
These never really win... whether it's filled with Bath and Body Works products or an edible arrangement, it's always a bad idea.
For one thing, the fruit will go bad if she doesn't eat it all within the first week and as for body care, you run the risk of getting something too smelly or glittery or just not HER.
Try this instead: You could make your own customized gift basket - hand crafted by yours truly. But make sure to fill it with little love notes, memories, and LOTS of kisses.
A Gag Gift
Your girl might like your cheesy side, but that doesn't mean she wants a gag gift on Valentine's Day.
It might get a laugh (or a groan) and it's perfect if you want me to roll my eyes at you... but if you'd much rather me jump your bones tonight, I say skip the funny stuff.
Try this instead: Anything BUT this.
Flowers and Chocolate
Nothing says "last minute gift" like a dozen roses and a box of chocolates... I mean, hasn't this been done to death already?! You can literally get your girl a box of chocolates and flowers for ANY holiday.
It's time to step up your game and give her something you can't find at a grocery store.
Try this instead: Get her something engraved or personalized, that way she can keep you with her for more than just this week.
The last thing your lady wants to be reminded of on Valentine's Day is housework and cleaning. Even if you think you’re being thoughtful by remembering that she mentioned needing a new Dyson a few months back, you can rest assured that she didn’t mean she wanted it as a Valentine's Day gift. Trust me. Avoid any household appliances unless you want to end up with your fingers stuffed in her brand new blender.
Buy this instead: Book her a few hours at her favorite massage parlor or salon. It's a great way to say "thank you" for all the housework she does throughout the year. *Bonus Points if you clean the entire house while she's getting her massage.
A Teddy Bear
Could you get any more impersonal? Probably not with this gift. This is the kind of gift you grab in line at checkout, along with deodorant, flowers, and condoms... none of which are going to get you laid this Valentine's Day.
So take this idea off your list while you still have time.
Try this instead: Like we said before... you need to put more thought into the gift. But remember this - it doesn't have to be a "something" if you are there, spending time with her, making her laugh and putting the thought into something TRULY special for the gal you love most.