9 Times Guys Actually Said No EFFING Way To Sex

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Bedroom Dealbreaker
Love, Self

You're into WHAT?

If you think that men don't ever turn down the chance to get laid, think again! There are a few situations where men abandon ship faster than Mr. Smee, even if they've already shelled out the cash for dinner and a movie.

Find out what these nine guys had to say about their sex experiences that turned into complete turn offs:

1. Don't go ALL the way down! 

"When I was in college, I went back to this girl's place I had met day drinking. Everything was going swimmingly for a one night stand, and at some point she starts going down on me. So naturally, I was like ... winning! But she kept going down and started sucking on my toes. I kid you not, this was after I had been wearing flip flops all day and had taken them off multiple times to increase my drinking-game ability, which she had to have known because we were together a while before we went back to her place. Dealbreaker." — Khad, 25

2. First date? Order the most disgusting thing on the menu.

"I met a drop dead gorgeous local woman when I was in Bangkok. I invited her to dinner and a movie and we were having a lovely time. The movie house we went to sold baluts (a duck embryo, boiled alive, eaten out of its shell) as a common snack food. She ordered and ate two. I was so grossed out that I couldn't even kiss her goodnight. The smell was awful!" Robert, 59

3. Keep your sex videos to yourself.

"I recently crossed paths with my high school sweetheart from over 20 years ago. We were both recently divorced so the timing was really good. We agreed to meet for dinner one night, during which time she told me about her webcam business. She showed me some photos and videos on her phone from her private collection. The photos and videos were of her with 30+ guys at a time. Her making the judgment call to show me the videos, combined with the loud, echoing audio while we dined in a five star restaurant—and her 'performing' with the 30+ guys—was too much of a turn-off. We still talk online from time to time, but that really ruined it for me." Randy, 45

4. Have you heard of a razor?

"I was finally getting it on with this leggy blonde girl. I had just slid my hand into her panties, only to feel like I was running my hand through a courser version of Michael Jackson's Motown era afro. My entire body cringed at the sensation. Not even Edward Scissorhands would take on that bush. Shave that!" Pat, 33

5. Hair in all the weird places.

"In college, I met a really attractive girl at a house party. We exchanged numbers and hung out a few days later. On our second date, we went back to her place and things start getting heavy. As we were hooking up and I'm kissing her chest, I feel a single, long, curly nipple hair in my mouth! I didn't want to embarrass her, so I just pretended like I was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I woke up extra early to run out of there, but she saw me and offered to make me breakfast. I wasn't able to make eye contact with her the entire time we ate and I never saw her again." Mike, 27

6. There is such thing as too many sex toys.

"I was (very briefly) living with a woman, Teri, who was bisexual. On a few occasions, she invited another woman into our bed. One time, the third party was our female next-door neighbor. Before things got under way, Teri said, 'Wait ... let me get my nasty bag!' She hopped off the bed, ran to the closet, and pulled out a brown paper bag, the contents of which she then emptied onto the bed. In addition to all sorts of porn magazines and videos, there were large plastic devices of all shapes. I began to worry that she (and our new friend) would try to use these devices on me (some of which looked like they could do serious internal damage)! So, I took a pass and left them to their own fun. I mean, I wasn't one to turn down any opportunity for a little girl-boy-girl frolic, but this looked friggin' dangerous." James, 56

7. Hold your liquor, girl!

"I was hooking up with this girl who was notorious for getting too drunk at parties. She ended up throwing up all over my bed, room, and walls. She must have eaten spinach that night, because it was all over her hair and she was STILL trying to hook up with me. I managed to call her sister and have her come pick her up."George, 25

8. Keep your favorite breakup song to yourself.

"I met a woman for drinks, who was about 10 years older than me and divorced. We talked about music, and when a song about the end of a relationship came up in conversation, she insisted on playing it from her phone. After playing it, she suggested we go back to her place to watch the music video. She put the video on her TV and asked me to dance. I was not interested in dancing but agreed anyway. We slow-danced romantically and eventually things heated up. We kissed and danced until we wound up shirtless on her bed, at which point she suggested we listen to the song again and dance to it ... again. I protested, but she ignored me and replayed the video. When it ended, she put the same song on again, on her speakers, and asked me to dance, AGAIN! I decided she was batty and I needed to flee, so I made an excuse and put my shirt back on. She kept dancing, and in an effort to be seductive, started to expose the top of her butt to me as I went for the door. I didn't think a college student could be deterred from sex but hey, what did I know?" Kevin, 24

9. Don't bring up my ex.

"I had recently come out of a long and serious relationship with my ex, Jennifer. I was heartbroken and everyone within my social circle knew it. Some months went by and I ran into a girl I knew at a party. We knew each other by name but we weren't close. That particular evening it seemed like a good idea for us to get closer, so we made our way to a bedroom. As clothes started coming off, she whispers in my ear, "I'm sorry I'm not 'Jennifer.' If you've ever taken a cold shower, this was kind of similar. I don't remember if I said anything or if she said anything else. All I know is that that was the end of that." Steve, 23


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