When it comes to sex, my favorite gender double standard is probably the one where a guy who's "allergic" to condoms is a liar and a creep, and a chick with the same terrible latex malady is a keeper. The rest of y'all seem to be hung up on the "number" game.
Here's the deal. We celebrate the dude with lots of partners. I believe Wilt Chamberlain had several parades to commemorate his boudoir efforts (because it couldn't have been his basketball success against smaller and athletically inferior opponents).
But we disrespect women who do the same. Can we talk about this?!
You can practically taste the stomach bile foaming as Madeline Cahn sings "I've Been With Thousands Of Men" in Blazing Saddles. You can rattle off the rationale for this attitude: risk of disease, children of dubious/unknown patronage, lack of appreciation for female sexuality, you name it. Technology and an untold amount of poking, rubbing and prodding have begun to relieve some of those issues, but our double standard persists.
A recent study found that men and women are still lying about their "numbers," despite the fact that the sexual revolution happened more than 60 years ago. Jealousy and the reality of sexual currency partly flavor this recalcitrance. And while sexual competency is generally gleaned from experience, men generally fancy ourselves Jacques Cousteau when it comes to plumbing unseen depths.
However, the best reason I've heard for this dichotomy's persistence is that it's really, really easy for women to have sex with someone new. We laud a man who manages to worm his way into dozens of different Spanx because you know how difficult it is to get those things off.
Gals mostly just have to say, "yes" to any guy with a spray tan to score. But this worm is also turning. Women, across a wide age spectrum, are becoming more honest about their interest in sexual variety. Maybe it was porn or Sex And The City or those in-home dildo parties or Lewinsky-gate but the gals finally said aloud, "I like sex n' stuff and not just the position where his sweat drips onto my face."
Obviously, some percentage of the population can't get over using sex for anything other than procreation within the context of marriage. Guess what? Screw 'em. Rather don't, let's make good adult decisions and let everyone's philosophy end at her own bedroom door.
Sex tends to stir up intense feelings in even the hardest of us (heh) so be more respectful to one another. Learn to communicate what you like without (necessarily) grabbing the back of a partner's head and protect yourself at all costs against disease and any pregnancy that is not mutually-intended.
1. Lying Waist Twist. Lying on your back, extend your arms at the sides. “While engaging your core, cross your right knee over toward the floor on your left side. Keep the left knee slightly bent and push your right knee toward the floor while pushing your right hip forward,” says fitness expert Nadia Murdock. This move works in bed, too! Have your partner penetrate you from behind when lying on either side. Hold for 2 breaths and slowly release, repeat on the opposite side.
More juicy content from YourTango:
- A Girl's Guide To Anal Sex
- Sex Positions Men Love
- 10 Yoga Poses That Double As Awesome Sex Positions