The world's greatest holiday is upon us. And, as with any boozy holiday, there is a good chance for a love connection. However, this year instead of using the old fallback of, "Do you have any Irish in you? No? Do you want some?", let’s figure out something slightly more original and with a pinch, even if you are wearing green, more class.
Use your best discretion and if all else fails, feel free to channel your inner-Colin Farrell.
1. "I gave up beer and beautiful strangers for Lent. Glad I'm not Catholic."
When to use: you're drinking beer, are Catholic and the person is attractive.
2. "How many Leprechauns does it take to break the ice? None, I'm [insert your name]."
When to use: virtually any usage.
3. "The idiot bartender served us one too many of these traditional Irish beers, I think it’s pronounced Gih-ness. You want it?"
When to use: the person has an empty drink in front of them. Bonus if you're drinking something other than Guinness.
4. "Don’t tell anybody, but I have a fridge full of Shamrock shakes back in my apartment, I’m taking one person at a time."
When to use: the person looks like they may love McDonalds, deliciousness.
5. "Yow, St. Pat must have chased all the snakes to this place."
When to use: you are in a seedy location, the men greatly outnumber the women.
6. "Did you know what a real Irishman wears under his kilt? Nothing … Irishmen don't wear kilts."
When to use: the person doesn't seem terribly smart.
7. "Everyone keeps talking about this Kelly Green lady. Are you her? No? Then what is your name?"
When to use: the person seems smart.
8. "Yes, it's a shillelagh in my pocket, and, yes, I am happy to meet you."
When to use: the person seems to have a sense of humor. Bonus if you're a lady.
9. "Top of the morning to you. Beg your pardon, I'd like to be on top of you in the morning."
When to use: it's 3 AM and you need a Hail Mary that doesn't involve a Rosary.
10. "Little known fact: St. Patrick invented green beer, peeing in the street and awkward introductions. Hi, I'm [insert name]."
When to use: waiting in a bathroom line.
From personal experience, asking someone to hold your hair while you puke just doesn't work and it's mostly because men shouldn't have ponytails. Have fun out there and do whatever you do responsibly.
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