The first time I met Dave's family, his dad, Gary, asked me what Kirby Puckett's number was.
"Does he play football?" I asked.
More from YourTango: The One Radical Rule That Saved My Relationship
Dave's brothers groaned. "Baseball," Dave said, "he plays baseball."
"Oh was he the one who groped the girl in that bathroom?"
No one said a word. Dave kicked me under the table. When I excused myself to go to the bathroom, I backed my chair up onto the paw of Krissy, the Shitzu-Poo and beloved pet of the household. She limped for days. I wasn't sure I would ever recover.
My husband and I come from different worlds. He comes from solid Midwestern stock. They repress their feelings, eat casserole and play baseball. My family? We're a mess of anxiety and personality disorders, we listen to Gilbert and Sullivan and our favorite sport is Chinese Checkers. When I came to Dave's family, I was a putzy stranger in a strange land. Dave's brothers, Jason and Matt, didn't laugh at my jokes about literature, and I wanted to poke my eyes out every time we had to discuss Muskie Opener (it's the opening of Muskie Fishing season, if you're as clueless as I was). So, the moment Dave proposed, and I said "yes," I knew I had to do something.
Dave's family priorities go in this order: God, Family, Pie and Baseball. Just don't make them choose between pie and baseball. And as it just so happens, I'm an excellent pie maker. When I was 10 years old, I won a pie competition by baking a Sour Cream Apple Pie.
So, that first Christmas we were engaged, I asked my future mother-in-law if I could make pie. I was living in a college dorm at the time, so I had to rely on her for the ingredients. Matt sat at the kitchen table the entire time I rolled out the crust and sliced the apples. Gary came in and out of the kitchen sniffing the air suspiciously.
More from YourTango: 'Marriage Isn't For You' Guy Earns Praise For Not Being A Jerk
"Did we ever tell you about the time Dave ruined a pie," Jason remarked while the pie baked. "We made fun of him so much that he's never made a pie again." He didn't smile. Neither did Dave.
More from YourTango: