As I suspect many of you do, I have a love-hate relationship with the male gender.
I love men, I really do. I've been boy-crazy since my first love, Adam, in pre-school. But there are things about them that drive me mad. While these "issues" are somewhat grating on my nerves, the romantic in me — the part of me I hide away like a deep dark secret that no one should ever be privy — actually finds a beautifully endearing quality in their behavior, habits and all-around lack of attention to detail... in some cases.
But since we're keeping my romantic side in the closet, let's cover my top 10 pet peeves about that gender, or rather the men in my life whom I've adored with an all-consuming, hopelessly, unapologetically deep love.
1. They don't friggin' listen. I once heard that men only hear about 20% of what's being said, but based on my experience, it's about 40%. Still, they miss a whole lot of what we say! Perhaps I'm boring, or maybe they just don't know how to listen properly. I'm thinking the latter.
2. They smell. Their bodies can smell good, but for some reason, their bedrooms and apartments just stink. Why? Are you working out that much?
3. They don't utilize a mirror properly. I love bedhead, so I'd never knock that. But if I had a penny for every time I had to tell a dude his lips are a dusty shade of pink because of toothpaste, I'd be sitting in a Park Avenue apartment right now.
4. Their idea of "clean" laundry is wonky. I've dated too many men who do the "smell test" to see if something's clean before they put it on — doesn't smell, they're wearing it.
5. They're bad with dates. As in, calendar dates. How many more times do I need to tell you when my birthday is? We really need to go over this again?
6. They "can't deal" with crying. I'm a woman. I'm emotional. I probably, a lot of times, border on insane. And yeah, I'm going to cry and I'm going to make a scene, but the scene would be a lot less dramatic if they could just "deal" instead of clamming up.
7. The expiration date means nothing. Oh, the eggs have a date on them from two months ago? No worries, they'll eat them anyway.
8. They rarely change their sheets. Although the men I've known since college get that you really need to change your sheets at the very least every two weeks (although once a week is ideal), the college boys I dated pretty much only changed them once a semester. Ew?
9. They say stuff we can't help but over-analyze. How much time have I wasted on a single sentence from a man? A lot. What did he actually mean? What was he trying to say? It could go on for days. Whereas men, on average, just don't overanalyze the way we do and in turn, don't understand why we do so. But boy, do they say some insensitive stuff that causes us to overanalyze! And then they never apologize for it. Great.
10. They're darling, despite being so annoying. Damn you for being so darling with all your flaws and wonkiness! Damn you for making me love you even more despite all the trouble you give my brain and heart! Damn. You. Men.