How to look for signs that you're just not into your new date.
You're pretty sure he's into you. But are you into him? Are you into the idea of dating him?
You're really just not that into him if …
1. You find yourself ragging on him (a lot) more than you're raving about him.
2. You don't really care if he doesn't return your call, your text, your IM, or email. Or rather, you just haven't called, or texted, or IMed, or emailed.
3. He just doesn't cross your mind. At first or, eventually, ever.
4. When you ask yourself, "How would I feel if I just … never saw Grant again?" and your answer is, "Meh." Or anything else along the I-don't-really-care lines.
5. It's the first night he sleeps over and you have noooo problem taking your sweet time in the bathroom doing your normal routine while he waits for you in bed — a full 3-minute brush, your cleanse-tone-moisturize facial regimen, eyebrow maintenance, examining your pores, undereye circles and developing wrinkles…
Still not sure?
"Listen mostly to how you felt with him," says one therapist. "Were you comfortable? Did you enjoy the time? Could you say what you felt without a lot of editing? Can you imagine being angry and working it out? Or did you find yourself working hard to keep conversation going? Were you always worried about what to say? How to say it? Whether he'd be hurt or annoyed by you? Were you afraid to let him know how you felt?"
In addition, you might also consider asking yourself the following questions:
- Are you attracted to him? Physical attraction shouldn't be the basis of a relationship, but it is basic to a relationship. In other words, it's not enough on its own, but a relationship without it cannot succeed. Does that mean you need to be drooling on the first date? No. But if you're slightly repulsed by his physical appearance, don't trick yourself into thinking his winning personality is going to be enough in the long run.
- Are there any deal-breakers? Is there a religious difference that, for you, matters? Does he have two kids from a previous marriage and you just know you're not ready for that? Are your values totally not in line?
- Do you want to see him again? Sounds pretty straightforward, but sometimes we over-intellectualize romantic relationships. If you're not excited about the prospect of a second date, you're probably not that interested.
The truth is, if you have to spend too much time assessing your feelings, it's probably time to move on.
Too often, we women will convince ourselves we like — or even love — someone. He looks so great on paper, we're lonely, or we just like the idea of being in a relationship. We end up investing weeks, months, sometimes years in a relationship that's doomed to fail. But, all the while, we knew in our gut that it wasn't quite right.
Don't waste your valuable time. Listen to your gut feelings. Be patient and give yourself a chance to find what you really want. Don't settle. You deserve it!
This article was originally published at Excelle. Reprinted with permission from the author.