How To Get Pregnant When Your Sex Life Is Sub-Par

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unhappy couple in bed
It's tough to get pregnant when you struggle with a challenging sex life.

We've all heard how sex lives can suffer once you have kids.

First, because of the damage that occurs to a woman's nether regions during childbirth. Then, because of the tenderness of a woman's vaginal lining—in addition to hormonal fluctuations—in the months after childbirth. And then? Well, there's the lack of time, and the exhaustion that comes from being a parent (and a spouse, and a fully functioning individual). There's the magnification of the Madonna/whore complex that can occur after you pop one out. There's the reshuffling of your affections, and the sometimes attendant resentments that can result from this. There's the inexorable pull of month after month of sexless nights, that can spin out into a complete loss of libido. A New Mother Recovers Her Sensual Self

This doesn't worry me. After all, our sex life already sucks.

"You know," my husband said the other week, "in order to get pregnant, we have to have sex."

It's not what you think.

I didn't start withholding sex once I got him to say "I do." No. My problems with sex started way before then, with a sexually abusive relationship, and a complex that, since then, just won't quit. Now, I experience pain during sex, and have major problems with both arousal and libido levels. It's a chicken-and-egg sort of thing. Do I experience pain because I have psychological issues with sex, or do I have an aversion to sex because I experience pain during intercourse?

If I was still single, I would simply ignore my problems with intimacy, and engage in a number of short-term, romantic relationships. These relationships would be filled with lots of cuddling and dry humping, and I would be satisfied with that, and they would end before things got too serious. Somehow, however, my husband dragged me kicking and screaming past that point, and now I'm with someone I love. And, more than wanting to enjoy sex for the purposes of procreation, I want to enjoy sex for the sake of my marriage.

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