Why I Chose To Be Celibate

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For three years, I didn't have sex with anyone. Here's why I chose to be celibate.

Just a few short years ago, I was your basic art school student, following all the latest trends in indie rock, guzzling PBR, shooting movies, but... not having sex. No, I wasn't a late bloomer and I didn't have trouble relating to women my own age. I was celibate. I'd lost my virginity at an average age, had had a handful of partners, and experienced the same urges as anyone else in their early twenties. My decision to refrain from intercourse came because those early experiences never added up to much more than awkward teenage sex, and a growing resentment of the mating rituals expected of college students. 4 Non-Religious Reasons To Be Celibate

I've never considered myself a prude, and I think that saving sex for marriage is a horrible idea. Intimacy, after all, is an important part of any romantic relationship, and far too important to leave to chance. It's just that I just don't understand the notion of giving yourself to someone just because they happen to be at the same party as you, and I don't believe in giving in to fleeting sexual urges under the guise of gaining "experience." 

 

Non-religious celibacy is generally thought to be induced by one of two things: a) prematurely filling up your sexual punch card (i.e. Lenny Kravtiz) or b) having an insatiable craving for control (i.e. Cleopatra). I, on the other hand, didn't feel a newfound maturity, and I wasn't seeking any sort of sexual upper hand. I simply didn't want to fill my bedpost with notches that weren't—in the end—all that impressive. 

My venture into celibacy lasted for around three years. There were admittedly a few close calls: the really sexy girl who had apparently been around several blocks, the really endearing girl who was missing a few marbles, and the older woman who... well, she tried to have sex with me twenty minutes after we met in the bathroom of a dive bar. These were the women I turned down (imagine that). Any one of them would've made a really hot scene in an erotic thriller, but that wasn't what I was looking for. What's The Longest You've Gone Without Sex?

I wasn't waiting for the perfect girl or even necessarily love. Just someone who I would be proud to share a (somewhat) meaningful life experience with. Isn't that what sex should be? I wanted someone whom I sincerely enjoyed the company of, and who really seemed to care about me.