Single and don't want to be? Three ways to change your bad dating attitude into "atta-girl."
Face it: Being single isn't always empowering and fun. Sure, you get all that "me time" to read a new novel, focus on work, apply a deep-cleansing mask when no one is looking or reconnect with girlfriends over cocktails. Still, being single can make you feel frustrated, angry, not worthy of love and even hopeless. That bad attitude could also be the reason you're single. 5 Things Single Women Hate To Hear
In her new book, Meeting Your Half-Orange, author Amy Spencer says that being positive about yourself and your crazy dating life can change your emotional brain.
"By changing your thoughts in a determined way, you can actually create a permanent change in your brain, which can effectively change your entire emotional experience with dating and love," explains Spencer. It has to do with the new field of neuroplasticity—"the idea that the neural pathways in your brain can be unwired and re-wired to ultimately change how your brain responds to sensory data."
Yes, you read that right. You can actually train your brain to be more positive about dating. This means that your body language and your internal energy will transform, too, attracting good things and, ahem, good guys. Here, three attitude-changing tips to try.
Look the part: Maybe red lipstick makes you feel sexy. Perhaps a sleek ballerina bun brings out your eyes. New shoes could be your secret weapon, too. I'm a huge fan of dark, manicured nails. Point is, when you look good, you feel good. "It's not because the world is kind to people with good hair. It's because YOU feel good about your hair. So good, in fact, you smile more. The positive emotions are creating positive feelings throughout your body that attract other positive things," writes Spencer.
Stop lying to yourself: Trust me, I've lied to myself too. I've told myself I am perfectly content with my beautiful, blonde 2-year-old son and my sexy magazine career. I've called myself the mom version of Carrie Bradshaw just to up my fabulous single status. Newsflash: Carrie married Mr. Big in the Sex and the City movie. So, yeah, I'm a big, fat liar. I want a husband. I want more kids. I want a golden retriever for those kids to play with. According to Spencer, admitting this is key. "Being single definitely wasn't always the best, but I felt I had to say that [I was happy being single]. Why? Because I felt there was nothing sorrier than a single girl who wished she wasn't." This is insane, people. Spencer is right. If you want a boyfriend, admit it. Tell the universe what you want and it will come to you. Not into the Secret? Do it anyway—trust me.
Go to your happy place: What place can get you out of a funk? The dive bar down the street? The bookstore famous for its cupcakes? A sweat session at the gym? Your happy place could also be his. Spencer writes: "The way I saw it, if I was searching for my partner in crime—my other half in love—he would love my favorite place too." Not only are you going to lift your spirits, you're going to spy for guys. I, myself, love to multi-task. Dating Myths Single Women Continue To Fall For
As a single woman who doesn't want to be single, I was the last person who thought self-affirming was the answer, but it really is. Regardless of whether or not I have a hot date this weekend, I do have a good attitude about the potential hot dates in my future, thanks to this book. Besides, who wants to be around a sorry, sad grump? No one. Not your kid, not your boss, not your best friend. Perk up for both yourself and the people around you.
As Spencer explains in her book, your thoughts are already influencing your dating life. Dating optimism "is not something you choose to start using. Like gravity it is already happening, all the time. It's happening to you right now." So start rewiring your brain and you'll be that much closer to finding your half orange.
Want more? Check out Meeting Your Half-Orange by Amy Spencer.