Boobies, tatas, jugs, melons, bubbies (if you're a "Real Housewife" from New Jersey), there are so many nicknames, and about as many ways to show your appreciation for our girlie golden globes. But every lady has got a story about some boob hound who did her knockers wrong! So, dudes, because I can't look in those sweet eyes of yours and lie, I'm going to uncover titties for you, well, with some straight talk. The Frisky: When It Comes To Breasts, Bigger Isn't Always Better
1. If you keep sucking in a constant, steady motion, like a baby, and don't switch up your moves, we'll get creeped out. Throw a lick or a hand in, or we'll make you use a bottle next time!
2. Even if I like it rough, don't gnaw off my nipple. A little teeth can give that pleasure-y kinda pain, sure. But how'd you like it if I bit off your nipple? Easy there, tiger. The Frisky: 21 Things Your Ta-Tas Are Good For
3. In the immortal words of Simple Minds: "Don't you forget about me!" You can go down on me for hours, but if you don't touch my boobs, I won't be satisfied.
4. You can rest your head on my perky pillow, but if you try an elbow or an inanimate (non sexytime) object, I will wonder if you respect me. The Frisky: Hypnotize Your Way To Bigger Boobs?
5. Even if my pair is spectacular, and I'm sure they are, you cannot list them among the reasons you like me. Breasts are not a personality trait.
6. FYI: Boobs can get sore and feel like two water balloons strapped to my chest when I'm on the rag and/or PMSing. As if those two things weren't already bad enough. The Frisky: MERRIMe, A New Web Comedy About Online Dating