Your partner seduces you into the bedroom. You take off your clothes, climb into bed and... start thinking about the laundry, your belly pooch or the fight you had with your boss. If this happens to you when you hit the sack, you're not alone. Many women's minds turn to everything but pleasure during sex. Why do we do this? And how can we stop it?
Women are natural multi-taskers, which is helpful in daily life but can distract us in bed, when we should be focusing only on our pleasure and our partner. In addition to life's responsibilities, we bring emotional troubles into the bedroom, which can take away from our enjoyment—sexual and otherwise.
"It's not abnormal for women to get into an argument and fixate on it," says Dr. Debra Laino, DHS, M.ED, MS, a certified sex therapist and relationship counselor in Wilmington, DE. "Women have a tendency to get stuck on things more than men do."
Body image issues also follow us into bed. A September 2009 study revealed that one in twenty women had never had sober sex and that nearly half preferred getting tipsy before getting down, most likely so they could feel more secure. Another recent study found that women with a positive body image found it easier to orgasm. Do Men Have Body Image Hangups?
Any of these distractions can, of course, ruin what should be a good time. "If a woman is already in a negative place emotionally, she is not likely to have an enjoyable sexual experience," says Los Angeles, CA, psychologist Colleen Long, Psy.D. "If you are lacking body confidence, your brain can focus on those areas."
Fortunately, there are ways you can re-train your brain to embrace the positive and pleasurable during sex and leave the stress and insecurity out. Here's how to start.
1. Get out of the house.