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Hey, Guys - Sexy or Slutty?

Hey, Guys - Sexy or Slutty?

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http://moxieblog.typepad.com/moxieblog/2009/12/wheres-the-line-between-sexy-slutty.html

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Name: jessica |  Location: New York , NY |Question:   
I consider myself an intelligent young woman, I come from a great family which
embedded good values in me, at the same time (and I know that one doesn't
exclude the other) there is this side to me where I want to do some semi-kinky
things when I am alone with my boyfriend. I mean I'm not into anything that
requires a trip to a sex shop (at least not for something “advanced”), but I
like to go down on him and say have him stand in the middle of the room while I
am underneath giving him oral sex and watching his face, or to be generally
active and passionate. I know for most men it would sound great, but I feel
like, if I do that, my boyfriend whom I love and feel very close to, might lose
a fraction of respect for me. I know, in theory my desire to do things of that
sort sounds perfect, and most men would like that, especially that I actually
enjoy doing it, because I love my BF and for me it's not just something
physical/sexual, but also, if not more- emotional -to give him that type of
pleasure. However, I feel like most men would think they would like that in
their long term relationships, but they are not aware that on some subconscious
level they will lose some respect and/or that "I worship/adore you" sensation
they may be feeling for you, especially when they consider you for their future
wife and mother of their children.

Besides, with oral sex, I feel like if a
woman is good at it, a man will naturally want more, especially if the women
enjoys doing it. And so could it be that there will be a point where he'll take
oral over intercourse most of the time? Am I wrong? Is it possible to be both
an angel outside your bedroom and devil in bed? Will the person you are
committed to be able to see you as an angel/lady/whatever once you show
them/keep showing them your devil side? Where is the line between being
intelligent but also passionate/uninhibited significant other and just somewhat
of a whore? Thanks for your feedback. |Age: 27

By
my definition, what makes someone "slutty" is the lack of concern for
their reputation and well being and/or hands over control of the
situation to the other person . Someone who engages in unprotected sex
with a brand new partner (and yeah, don't care if they told you they
had just been tested) just because bareback sex feels better, to me, is
slutty. Someone who works their way through a group of friends, having
sex with all of them, who gets pissed when they hear that the friends
now deem them "easy" is "slutty" to me. In the latter situation, the
person is allowing what those other people think of them to control how
they feel about themselves. Basically, someone who dismisses common
sense, standards and control just to have sex is acting "slutty."

However,
a woman who decides to take a guy home from a bar or have sex with a
guy she just met, who takes the proper precautions and is discerning
enough to determine the encounter will be worthwhile, who shows some
standards, and who has appropriate expectations and protects her
emotional core...is NOT "slutty." Someone who enjoys uninhibited sex
with their boyfriend and gets pleasure from pleasing him and taking
control is NOT slutty to me. And the thing to remember is...guys like
"slutty" (ok, we've used that word enough in the post.) Guys love a
woman who can shed inhibitions and enjoy a sexual encounter however she
chooses. Men are really pretty primal when it comes to sex. More so
than women. So when they find a partner who makes them feel comfortable
being that primitive and intense, who appreciates and embraces that
caveman side to him, they're happy.

If the head is good, will the
guy prefer that over actual intercourse? Well, think about what you're
asking. Will a man choose to be serviced? Sure, sometimes. Who wouldn't
choose the options that involves less work for them? But he won't
choose it all the time or even most of the time. Guys need that sense
of intimacy and closeness that intercourse provides just like women do.
Going to a hooker does not make most men feel like a stud. If anything,
it makes them feel shame. So having someone on their knees pleasuring
them isn't always the go-to option because it often times lacks the
level of connection included in intercourse.

The trick is to know
when the appropriate time is to break out the minx. Like I said last
week, my friend C. had a first date with a woman who, at the end of the
night after drinking quite a bit of wine, asked him to come on her
face. Look, for a random hook up? Uh, fine. As long as you know when
you leave that the guy or girl will have a distinct opinion of you.
Keep in mind that a man can like you, think your a nice person and
still think you're easy. Of course people will say that they will still
respect a woman/man in the morning. But do they? No. But in the
confines of a trusting and loving relationship? You can get away with
pretty much anything and still maintain the loving and nurturing part
of the relationship. You will also maintain his or her respect.Because
your partner has become invested in both you and the relationship.
They've seen you as a three dimensional person - loving, giving,
vulnerable.

Men don't give out respect that easily. And a woman
on her knees after a first date begging for a load on her face isn't
getting it. A woman who breaks out the toys the first time you have sex
is also running the chance of looking "too experienced." And this is
something that makes both men and women suspicious and a tad
insecure/paranoid.I really don't want to know how or where that guy
learned that move. I might like it in the moment, but after my head
will be filled with thoughts of him watching porn after porn. Not sexy.

It
sounds like the only person who might think of your behavior as
"slutty" is you. Most men would kill for a girlfriend who was as open
as sexual as you describe yourself to be. But you have to really be
sure you're okay with whatever it is you're doing. Then and only then are you truly sexually confident.

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