Does Divorce Make A Man A Better Dad?
A growing trend shows that men become better parents post-divorce.
If divorce is in the future of duplicitous two-timers Gov. Mark Sanford to reality TV's Jon Gosselin, these men will have to navigate co-parenting. However, a growing trend shows that many men become better parents post-divorce, to the surprise of ex-wives who find it difficult to grasp that a man who wasn't a good husband can indeed be a good father. Read: How To Say "Kids, We're Getting Back Together"
Take the example of Peter Giles.
When Peter Giles' three daughters were toddlers, work consumed him at the expense of family life. The New York businessman would justify the absences as doing the right thing for his family since he was providing the financial womb while his wife was taking care of their other needs.
What finally made him a better father? Getting a divorce.
"The divorce was such a shock and forced me to take stock of who I was and what success should look like," said Giles, whose ex-wife Nancy Claus sought a divorce in 2001. "I came to realize that I had been providing for my children but needed to be more to them."
Like the majority of divorcing men today, Giles sought joint legal custody, which courts are more willing to grant since a federal study shows that men paid child support 90 percent of the time in comparison to less than 45 percent when the mother had sole custody. Advice: Your Ex Husband, His New Wife, Your Kids
When his daughters visited, Giles morphed into a multi-tasker taking on chores previously done by his wife including cooking, buying cosmetics and remembering to buy eggs and bacon at the market.
Read the rest at First Wives World.
Written by Jill Brooke for First Wives World.
More from First Wives World:
• Q&A On Preparing Your Child For Divorce
• Etiquette Tips For Parent Visitation
• Creating Two Post-Divorce Homes For Your Children
Discussion
This is really sad. If the husband had realized how much his family needed him before he got divorced, he could have kept his family.
I am skeptical that it is a growing trend, however. Many men simply become absent fathers after the divorce. So many children are worse off financially after divorce that it's hard to believe that the fathers are doing a better job, even if they are trying.
There's another question here, too. What if the guy wakes up when he loses his family. What if he realizes he needs to spend more time with his kids. What if the divorce still has bad effects on the children anyhow? What would it mean to say he was now being a better father?
