How To Say "Kids, We're Getting Back Together"

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How to keep the children in mind when you're reconciling.

Many couples decide to get back together after a long or short period following separation or divorce. While reuniting is exciting, it is also stressful.

Many thoughts enter the couple's mind: Will it last this time? Will it turn sour again when we are living together? Does my partner think about the other lovers?
Will he/she abandon me again? How will our extended family and friends react?

Sorting through this emotional turmoil is hard enough; but when children are involved, it's a whole different ballgame. The primary concern for these couples is: How will this affect our children? Poll: Should Divorced Parents With Young Children Date Or Not?

Perhaps the children were toddlers or preschoolers when the couple separated—and now the children are in grade school. In such circumstances, the youngest child may not even remember his parents living together. An older child may have a clearer picture of the breakup and emotions he/she experienced.

Furthermore, while most children have a deep wish that their parents remarry, this wish coming true can be confusing. Children will wonder: Is this real? What can I rely on? Will they stay together this time? Should I let myself believe they will? Why Having Children May Wreck A Marriage

Likewise, parents' fears about whether this will work out may make them reluctant to emphasize that the reunification is permanent. Other parents may overly underscore that "this time it will last" in order to decrease their child's fears. The reality is—there is no absolute when it comes to whether the marriage will last the second time around. And there is no perfect formula as to how to best handle this situation. Nonetheless, here are some rules of thumb that may prove useful if you are considering getting back together:

Move slowly. Gradually date your ex-spouse and see how things develop. If it is moving in a positive direction, you can become more serious over time.

Attend couples therapy once you are seriously considering getting back together. Explore what led you to separating in the first place in a candid and honest manner. Talk about how you will handle and resolve future conflicts. Could Couple's Therapy Really Save Us?
 

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