7 Things TO Say While Getting It On
A few tips on how to talk dirty once already in bed.
This may be too old school for you old fools, but I was just interneting the interweb and bumped into this oldie but goodie of things being said during whoopie-making on Incredimazing (give it a gander, it's a flowchart). That was pretty funny (in both the weird and ha-ha sense). But talking dirty, even if already sexually engaged, is a big turn-on for some. Just not everyone is good at it. Read: Dirty Talk Saved My Relationship
Normally, I'd go the other route and give a list of things that will spoil the moment so you can avoid them (or things NOT to say before or after). Instead, I'm going to do a 180 and go with seven good things to say while making love, or just having sex (I'm going to paraphrase because a girl's gotta keep some secrets):
- "I am having a great time." Let 'em know you like what's going on.
- "Can I get you anything?" It's imperative to check if there is anything you can do to improve their experience.
- "Where does the time go?" If you're not able to finish, you may want to somehow signal to the other person that it's OK for them to. (It's generally considered rude to stand up until they leave, at this point.)
- "I am fairly fond of you." In addition to enjoying the time that you are currently spending together, lots of people appreciate that you may enjoy their company outside of coitus. Complimenting the person's looks may also go a long way.
- "My, what a pretty picnic, Mrs. Pettigrew." There's no corollary to this one, it would just be funny to say.
- "Intercourse me." Pretty much a self-explanatory thing to say to a guy (if he is intercoursing you). Guys can ask "do you like me intercoursing you?" (Note: this one is pretty similar to Item 1 but the subtle distinctions are worth exploring.)
- "I can almost see my house from here." If you're about to crest a summit, it's polite to let the other person know so they don't suddenly call an audible. Read: Top 4 Hollywood Orgasm Scenes
Anything incredibly PG that you can think of that should be said in bed?
Discussion
Hi everyone, just want to point out that the point of this article isn't that we're supposed to say these things word for word; the writer is hoping we'll figure out that these are the PG versions of what should REALLY be said.
For instance, "I am fairly fond of you" turns into "I love you."
"I can almost see my house from here" turns into "I'm going to come!"
"I am having a great time" would be something along the lines of "Yes!"
The only one that seems to have no R-rated corollary is "My, what a pretty picnic, Mrs. Pettigrew." Which is can only assume is to be used when you absolutely can't stand the person you're with and want them to get up, leave, and never ever talk to you again.
Are you serious??
I think these lines would more make the man jump out of bed and run away screaming. Completely ridiculous.
INTERCOURSE ME, IM FOND OF YOU. WHO WROTE THIS CRAP. OBVIOUSLY SOME ONE IS NOT HAVING GOOD SEX!
