The Danger In Putting The Kids First

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Child versus husband
Dr. Michelle Golland thinks loving your child more than your husband is a BIG problem.

This is a response to "Why I Love My Kid More Than My Husband."

Dr. Michelle Golland: Okay, first I must say I love my kids very much, but I do not love them more than my husband! The love I have for my husband is deeper and more exciting than the love I have for my kids. He is my lover, my confidant, and my biggest fan. I am the same for him. It is so clear to me as a wife, mother, and psychologist that if I do not have a strong, healthy, and connected marriage, my mothering abilities are not on track. Loving Your Husband More Than Your Children

Many of the couples with younger children that I see in my private practice find themselves exhausted, angry, and disconnected in their marriage often because the woman has been focused on the kids while the husband has thrown himself into his work. This may seem like a good idea for a time, but as this goes on, the relationship will begin to suffer greatly.

When we get married and before we have kids, as couples, we have the time, energy, and money to devote to our relationship. We go out to dinner and a movie without a second thought. We can have sex any time without worrying if a baby will wake up or a toddler will come crashing through the door. Once kids enter the picture, we forget how it feels to be loved and honored by our partner without spit up on us.

The mistake many moms make is they believe that if they are a good mother, their husband will be fine and he will understand, but in reality, the husband may feel pushed out of the parenting role and begrudgingly gives up trying to have a relationship with his wife. What happens next is that they each become resentful of what the other "isn't" doing in regards to both the kids and the marriage. Why Having Children May Wreck A Marriage

In this scenario, the man will continue to retreat and do less and less for the kids, while the woman becomes angrier at this turn of events. She then gives less and less energy to her spouse, which makes him disconnect further and further. The dissent into divorce has begun.

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