Number One Sex Tip For Women
Sex tips for women really come down to one thing, whereas men are the ones who need advice.
If it weren't for the covers of women's magazines like Glamopolitan, my time standing in grocery lines would be spent reading the copy on my frozen dinners. It's amazing how reading "succulent tenderloins cradled by fluffy mashed potatoes" makes a meal squeezed out of a nozzle and flash frozen taste that much better. It was standing in line with my pathetic pyramid of bachelor food that I learned that there are, like, 1,342 different ways to drive me wild. Read: 5 Things I Wish I Knew About Sex at 30
And here I was, thinking there was only one, 100% guaranteed way to drive me wild, and that was to touch my penis. At this juncture, I'd like to state that I'm also speaking for all of dudekind. Sweeping gender platitudes is what I do. So take the ice cube out of your mouth, the feather out of my ass, and go for the gold. Is there a Nobel Prize for sex advice? I'd like to thank you all.
The subtext of these articles is pretty simple: "Learn these sex tips or he will cheat on you." That is one of the main reasons women consume this same old prattle over and over again. Your insecurities are preyed upon, and you're convinced that if you don't learn how to solve a Rubik's Cube with your vagina while both your legs are behind your head, that your man will become bored, and run off with Amethyst from Jiggle Dome down the street. If you are naked, and into us, then ladies, consider us driven wild. We don't need your hummingbird tongue all over our neck, or upside down oral sex, or our prostate milked. Unless, of course, we ask you very nicely. But we probs won't. Read: Why We Fantasize And What's Normal
I'm not saying we react negatively to your loving attempt to "spice" things up in the bedroom. On behalf of all dudekind, we appreciate your trying to make us happy. Truly, we don't deserve it. But since we're all in an honest place right now, let me ask this question: are you reading these sex tips for us because you want to be driven wild?
Finish reading this article at The Frisky.
Written by John DeVore for The Frisky.
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Discussion
Great piece - I agree! But My Man I must say does like to spice it up... Maybe it's because we have been together for a while now but we have definitly found the 'other' erogenous zones! Trust me you guys - they are there! Maybe they are different for each guy - but you have more than one!
That is the fav though!
Yeah, gotta pretty much agree. Think of it like this ladies...you'd like us to please you the way another woman would (not saying you're all closet lesbians), a version of sexual twister that us men can't see where the spinner lands and are usually unsure of what to do with that body part any way.
You've seen us clumsy man apes usually go for one thing and one thing only (okay, some of my fellow bretheren have learned to multi-task, but if we never had to learn for the sake of propogating the species then this next bit would hold very true), we go right for the grand finale. We may have more than one erogenous zone, but the others are hardly spoken of or explored by the hetero homo-sapien male. The one that we do know very well, that started causing socially awkward situations on bumpy school bus ride, well...you won't go wrong going for it right away.
In a long term relationship we'll probably start wanting to add a little oregano to jazz up the mix, but in the initial stages, touch our penis and we are your sexual slaves.
Yes. On the whole we really are this simple.
(yeah, i laughed my a$$ off at the piece to! never did trust all of the glamour magazines...)
